Crackie Horror Picture Show
Dreamboat Doherty is alive and…..well….he’s alive. I know. That claim is up for discussion. Dreamy has uploaded a new video to his YouTube account and basically Allison from “Intervention” is the only bisney who can probably understand it. Especially because in the video Dreamboat says one of his pussies is off to “mend the sunshine.” What’s with druggies and sunshine? Does that mean Funshine Bear was a major heroin junkie? I digress.
Most of Dreamy’s video is your regular crack sh*t. Dreamy plays with fire in his garden. Dreamys plays with a hammer. Dreamy talks to his house cleaner while she mops the floor. Yes, he has a cleaner even though his house still looks like the inside of a used roach motel. Her main job is probably to keep the crack pipes shiny and clean.
Speaking of, about 3:30 into the video, Dreamy’s sleeping in a hammock and his house cleaner wakes him up. They argue for a bit and then Dreamy starts lighting some kind of glbutt pipe thing. His house cleaner asks him, “I thought you weren’t doing that stuff any more.” Then she pours water all over his head. This is probably the first time in weeks that water has touched his head. I’m surprised the water didn’t jump the f**k off immediately after touching him.
Click here to see Dreamy’s special horror picture show. He disabled embedding.
A few hours after he uploaded his latest crack masterpiece, he put up another video of his son Astile dancing around with some creepy toy. Dreamy left this this message with the video: “crack? crack crack crack crack crack, you presumptious, hateful weirdo’s“
Below is the clip. Ugh. I need a few weeks in rehab after watching both of these videos.
Thanks Lola
Morning Wood
Vintage Brenda Walsh: Before she was a hot, crazy, Kelly Taylor-hating bisney - A Socialite’s Life
The Dodgers and Phillies fightless fight - SOW
Party with the Ewings for $1,000 - Celebisneyy
Tobey Maguire really hates the paparazzi - Mollygood
Janet Jackson canceled her 7th show in a row - E! Online
Megan Fox is a slutty geek - Popoholic
Lisa Kudrow selling fugly shopping bags at her son’s school fair - ICYDK
The booze bottle almost did Colin Farrell in - Holy Moly!
Brad Pitt Is So Artsy
W Magazine has released a few more pictures from Brad Pitt’s “private” photo spread of his blessed holy family. By “private” I mean public.
The photos capture a week of intimate moments of Saint Angelina and her little deities. Yes, this is exactly how they are at home. They hang out in front of walls, Shiloh plays with garlic bulbs (what is that?), Saint Angie sits around in gauzy nightgowns and they laugh all the time. sh*t. You would laugh all the time too if you were perfect and knew it. You would lay about in your linen pants and cotton shirt and cackle about how wonderful your life is.
Saint Angie Jo also gave an interview to the magazine and talked about Maddox’s love of knives. She said, “My mom took me to buy my first daggers when I was 11 or 12. And I’ve already bought Maddox some things. We take him to a special shop.” She explained that the knives are dulled and she talks to him about violence, but they “also talk about samurais and about the idea of defending someone as good. We talk about everything.”
Thousands of Brangaloonie mommies just ran out to their local Wal-Mart to buy their young sons kitchen knives.
Saint Angie just confirmed that she is indeed training a child army. We already know that Maddox is the dagger expert. And Zahara has already mastered the art of bombing bisneyes with her eyes.
Click here to read the entire interview and to see more pictures. I’ve posted a few below. I think my favorite is the one of Saint Angie puckering up her mbuttive swollen roid lips. That’s what Gay Al Reynold’s butt looks like after a busy weekend.
Blind Items: I Guess….You Guess….
Which politically active rapper makes a big show with the ladies in public, bragging about what a pimp he is, but has a thing for small Asian dudes on the side? (Full Disclosure)
DIDDY?! Wisit from “Top Design” should call him up.
Which closet gay Hollywood star tried it on with a straight actor at a party for one of his plays? The poor chap had to make his excuses and flee. (3am Girls)
Kevin Spacey?
Which billionaire tycoon is going to wed a much younger woman who’s never been married before? She’s been after the old codger since his wife of decades died. (Page Six)
I have no clue, but that gold digger needs to get that cash ASAP with the way that things are going.
Which rock superstar has been having an affair with his young blond personal buttistant? His longtime wife might suspect the worst because they’ve been squabbling plenty lately. (Page Six)
I immediately think of Jon Bon Jovi with these rocker blind items. I’ll guess JBJ or Sting?
Wino’s Coke ‘N Candy Special
Snorting coke for breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert and all your snacks must get kind of mundane and boring, so you can’t blame the Crackie of Camden for trying to sugar up her diet it a little bit.
A friend of Wino’s tells the News of the World that is obsessed with a new delicious treat: cokey cotton candy!
It all started when Wino showed her friend and fellow crackhead Mik Whitnal her new $1400 cotton candy machine. Mik suddenly got the idea to sprinkle a little booger sugar on a piece of cotton candy.
The friend said, “He and some pals sprinkled a wrap of coke into the mixture and Amy started eating it before she realized what they’d done. She now thinks it’s a hoot to do the same. With her painfully thin frame and her wild beehive hair, she’s actually starting to look like a stick of candy floss herself.“
Wino might be on to something. I have always thought of her as the crackhead version of Martha Stewart. She should put out her own book of recipes: Cooking with CRACK (and other illegal substances). She could make everything from crackchiladas to heroin in a blanket. It’s a crack thing.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Nelsan Ellis - Lafayette, the sexy gay drug dealer/short order cook from “True Blood” - Below is a scene from last week’s episode of Lafayette taking off his earrings and telling a dumb bisney what’s what.
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For October 10th!
I told you Janet, no matter how high the weave, my fivehead will always be closer to God. - Bartender Jay
Runners-up:
Breaking news- ‘The Los Angeles Revlon factory exploded today, there were only 2 survivors’ - El Bastardo
Tyra can squeeze plastic all she wants but it ‘aint gonna smile with its eyes. - tonicbisney
Source: Wenn
JLo And Skeletor Are Truly In Love
Triathlon champion and NON-Scientologist JLO renewed her wedding vows with Skeletor this past weekend in Las Vegas. UsWeekly reports that it was a joint ceremony with their friends Mets player Carlos Beltran and his wife Jessica. The dumb ceremony took place in the penthouse at Caesars Palace at around 3:30am.
JLo and her virgin-blood drinking husband have only been married 4 years. Yes, 4 years and they’re already renewing their vows. They’re probably as shocked as we are that they’ve actually lasted 4 years.
A source said that the romantic evening (eye roll and then barf) started out at dinner. The couples then went to see the Pussycat Dolls show at Pure. While there, Skeletor started asking around for a minister. A zombie asking for a minister! There’s a joke in there somewhere.
A minister was found and the ceremonies took place shortly after 3 in the morning. A source said, “It was very intimate and sweet. They both talked about how much they love each other. The word ‘forever’ was used a lot!”
The word “forever” in Hollywood-talk means 2-5 years maximum.
JLo’s parents weren’t at the ceremony because they were because taking care of the Dragon Tales Twins. Remember them? I’m sure you do, but JLo doesn’t.
I don’t know if they were high on drugs or booze, but I do know that they are constantly high on famewhoring. That sh*t is worse than crack. And JLo’s mbuttive ego was also involved. A mbuttive ego and an addiction to famewhoring causes you to do sh*t like this for a little cheap publicity.
The Empress Of Lucite Is A Devoted Mother, Part II
The elegant natural beauty known as Shauna Sand was once again out with her daughters yesterday. The work of a mother goddess is never done. Shauna took her daughters to the pumpkin patch to probably pick out sizes for their new boobs. She’s a hands on kind of mother.
The Empress of Lucite glided into the pumpkin patch looking like the Virgin Mary returning to the manger. Every step Shauna took with her exquisite lucite heels, the hay burned beneath her. It couldn’t handle her holiness. She had to leave after a few minutes because the pumpkins couldn’t handle her raw beauty and they started shaking in her presence.
I’m sure Tori the Hutt wasn’t thrilled with the Empress making an appearance at the pumpkin patch. Shauna’s gorgeousness only emphasizes the fact that Tori is one homely hag! She probably killed a few pumpkin’s with her fugly mug. Yes, I’m taking my hangover out on her.
Others at the only pumpkin patch in Los Angeles where celebrity whores are allowed included Tori the Hutt’s creepy husband, Marcia Cross and Spider-Man.
Does This Mean They’re Not Getting Back Together?
Travis Barker is slowly recovering from the plane crash that put him in the hospital and killed his two close friends. He took to his MySpace to thank the people close to him and the hospital staff for their support and hard work. He said he will undergo his 7th surgery on Monday. Travis can move all the fingers in his right hand and he started eating meat again because the doctors said he needs the protein. He said that seeing DJ AM after he was discharged is an inspiration. Travis also used this time to bisney slap Shanna Moakler. Aww, just like the old days!
The diss to Shanna has been removed from the MySpace main page for some reason, but is still on Travis’ blog. He writes:
Despite any rumors you might have heard via my EX-wife Shanna Moakler, who I have not seen since the week I checked in, Ive been treated amazingly well, both here in LA and in Georgia. The hospitals Ive been treated at are THE BEST.
Travis must be feeling a lot better if he’s dissing Shanna on MySpage. It’s nice to see that some things never change. Hopefully, Shanna puts her fingers away and doesn’t respond. But you know she will.
VIA TMZ