Quote Of The Day
Beth Ditto on how she used to be the government cheese version of Winona Ryder:
“I have a hard time not buying or stealing. If I want something, I have to have it. But not anymore. The last time was three months ago – a dress from Marshalls. I used to steal more. I mostly stole from Goodwill. You know, ‘Can’t be bothered. The line’s too long. Put it in your purse’.”
via Paper Mag
Jennifer Aniston Is Going To Give Birth To Herself Again
Jennifer Aniston is taking Lamaze clbuttes and pulling out the birthing pool, because she’s about to give birth to herself once again. And you know she’s going to throw herself a baby shower and sh*t.
Jennifer tells Harper’s Bazaar UK that she’s spent the last five years throwing out useless sh*t (i.e. Brad’s bath water, her first death threat letter from Maddox, etc..) and is ready to begin anew. Tell the band to the play the theme song to Starting Over. Jen said, “The last five years have been about spring cleaning for me. Now it’s time for my rebirth. I love trying new things. I can’t just be put in a box.“
What is this rebirth sh*t?! Just try not to throw Jennifer an obvious side-eye when she stops you on the street to show you pictures of her reborn self. Just do what you normally do in a situation like that: lie and say “HOW ADORABLE!” before moving on.
Jennifer also talked about her beauty secrets, which don’t include Botox, “I could do it, and I mean these lines are getting deeper every day, but when I tell you what’s happened to me – these lines are just about living. Look I eat really well and I work out, but I also indulge when I want to. I don’t starve myself in an extremist way. You’re not taking away my coffee or my dairy or my glbutt of wine because I’d be devastated. My advice: just stop eating sh*t every day.”
Stop eating sh*t? I could make a joke about Gerard Butler’s butthole hunting finger, but I’ll let you do the honors.
Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
Do you remember when Britney Spears had her issues a couple of years ago she took a pap along with her for the ride? Well, this very troubled C list movie actress with A list name recognition is doing the same thing. Although in this case it appears the actress is the bad influence. She has been accompanied many nights by a pap who is a minor and who she is getting into clubs even though he isn’t old enough. Oh, and if that were not bad enough she is also his drug supplier. Guess she doesn’t want to hit rock bottom alone. (CDAN)
But more importantly, when is Michael Lohan going to hold a press conference over this blind item?
Which starlet has a really good fake ID? The 19-year-old cable-TV actress was carded at a recent LA bash, but pbutted inspection and headed straight up to the bar for a big gulp. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)
Daveigh Chase from Big Love? Which reminds me… Back in the day, one of my friends used to get into bars with HIS older sister’s ID. It was clearly a woman on the ID, and my friend didn’t even dress in drag. Not one bouncer batted an eyelash at that ID. It made my night, every night. Okay, it was me…
This is the time of year when the new shows for the fall and winter television seasons are being cast. For those who are committed to a current show that has already been picked up for an additional season, it is usually smooth sailing. There are even a lucky few who have been offered a role in a new show in addition to their current show. Usually Show 2 is clearly defined as being in second position to Show 1. That is, except for one particular actor who is playing games with his level of commitment to his current show. In public, he is very precise and rehearsed in his wording about how happy and dedicated he is to Show 1, and very gracious about the opportunity to also take on Show 2. In private, it’s a different story. He is very unhappy about both the quality of writing and the size of his role on Show 1, and has quietly expressed interest in ditching the first role to accept the second role. His exact words to me were “Get me the f* off this f*ing show!” We don’t know if his original contract allows him that flexibility, but he sure seems serious about making the jump. (Blind Gossip)
Every single one of the dudes on FlashForward.
Angie Jo Is A Real-Life Disney Villainess
You know how Angelina Jolie is thinking about playing the title role in Tim Burton’s Maleficent? Well, InTouch Weekly thinks she’s perfect for the role since she’s basically a living (?), breathing (??) version of the Mistress of Evil (cackle, thunder, cackle)!
In this week’s issue, they talk to one of Brangelina’s former bodyguards who says that Angie is a cold-hearted witch who laughs haughtily at her children’s cries and regularly screams at her staff. Kate Gosselin is about to throw a copyright infringement lawsuit at Angie for stealing her swagger! From InTouch:
In an exclusive interview with In Touch, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s former bodyguard describes what he claims to be a woman whose erratic behavior, yelling fits and unreasonable demands deeply hurt not only staff members — but especially Brad and their six children. “Angelina has a public and a private persona,” claims the former bodyguard, who for security reasons chooses only to be identified by his first name, Bill. “In my opinion, the real Angelina is self-centered and a control freak. She has no patience at all. She doesn’t do things out of the kindness of her heart. And she’s totally psycho.”
While Brad is laid-back and patient with his kids’ often wild behavior, Angelina is anything but. “She screams and yells a lot, then walks away,” Bill says, explaining that Angelina would often “disappear into her suite for hours,” leaving staffers — and Brad — to deal with her children. “She would punish them with silence,” says Bill, adding, “I think she could be abusive at times in a mental way.” If the children were to get upset by her withholding behavior, he says, Angelina didn’t seem to care. “She is not moved by tears,” he explains. Still more disturbing, he recalls, Angelina has a “quirky habit” of “giggling when one of her kids would start crying.“
The bodyguard, who was working for Brad and Angelina at the start of their relationship, remembers “a lot of laughing and fun” and “spontaneous sex” back then. Now, though, the couple often sleeps in separate bedrooms, and that honeymoon phase seems to be ancient history. Even when they aren’t actively arguing, Bill says, Angelina “nitpicks” Brad — criticizing him constantly. “She says things like, ‘Are you going to wear that shirt again today?’ and tells him he’s like another one of the kids.” According to Bill, Brad has come to dread Angelina’s phone calls. “She’ll call him from the set to interrogate him,” Bill explains. “His face goes white, and he just stares at his feet.” When Angelina’s yelling gets to be too much, Brad will “put her on speaker and walk away from the phone,” Bill reveals. “Angelina will hang up and continue calling until one of the staff picks up.“
This straight from the Department of No More Wire Hangers. Maddox better be writing a tell-all right now, because I’ve been waiting for a sequel to Mommie Dearest. He can call it Saintly Dearest.
Afternoon Crumbs
What kind of nightmare did I just walk into? Brenda Walsh was voted off of DWTS last night! That homewrecking slut Kelly Taylor must be behind this – Just Jared
The world also held a press conference yesterday where it announced: “Shut the f**k up, Lohans!” – The Superficial
Kelly Brook picks up Peaches Geldof’s old panties as the new bod of Ultimo – Egotastic!
Gerard Butler keeps his finger to himself during a photo call with Aniston in Madrid – Lainey Gossip
Kim Kardashian’s face is looking like a kitten version of La Wildenstein – Hollywood Tuna
What in the day-shift Tron hooker is Fergie wearing? (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Code Pink strikes again! – Towleroad
Ricky Martin’s boo was sick of playing Seven Minutes (give or take a few years) in Heaven in the closet – OMG Blog
The Photoshop Awards: Kourtney Kardashian’s fake butt post-baby body – Celebisneyy
MiserAlba really loves iced tea – Popoholic
Just so you know, a bunch of horses personally scalped themselves just so the holy St. Angelina could carry their hair around – Popsugar
Glee on Rolling Stone – ICYDK
How about we call Heidi and Spencer “Little Fleshdick” and “Walking Dildo” instead – I’m Not Obsessed
Obama is a nerdy fanboy at heart – Cityrag
Raquel Welch is breaking my b-hole’s heart! – Hollywood Rag
One-legged pot calls the kettle a gold digger – Holy Moly!
The CAPTION THIS Contest For March 31st!
(Thanks April)
Hollywood Hates Goldie Hawn
The evil executioners of Hollywood need to stop punishing Goldie Hawn for the existence of Kate Hudson. It’s not entirely her fault, yet they continue to kick her in the bagina bone by ruining her clbuttics. They have already put Overboard under the guillotine, and now The Hollywood Reporter is saying that they are going after Private Benjamin.
Screenwriter Amy Talkington and producer Mark Gordon are working to bring this sh*t into modern day. They will also reference the wars going on in the world right now. Expect to see a zany butt version of Osama Bin Laden played by Jimmy Fallon. Or maybe Billy Goat Brad…. Hmmm….he does have the beard for it.
Anna Faris is in talks to play the title role. Well, it could be worse. They could be talking to Jessica Simpson. Oh wait.
You know, Hollywood can have Overboard and Private Benjamin. But they better not even think about putting out a remake of Death Becomes Her starring Katherine Hagel…. f**k, I’m giving them ammunition.
Open Post: Hosted By Not A Single Lady
What’s worse than filming your kids in the backseat while driving? Breaking your little son’s heart into a zillion pieces by telling him he’s not a single lady. To think, in 15 years, that boy would’ve become an overnight internet sensation and ruler of the Glittery Gays of YouTube. But thanks to his butthole dad, that boy will never put his hands up to a Beyonce song again.
And homegirl in the middle doesn’t want to have anything to do with her father’s dream-killing ways.
via Buzzfeed
Kim Kardashian is in a bikini again
Kim and Kourtney Kardashian were spotted exactly where they told the paparazzi they’d be in Miami today, and I will still never understand why Kim feels the need to cover up her butt. It’s like opening up a Starbucks… …read full story
Shauna Sand still wearing bikinis and other news
- Angelina Jolie enjoys the sound of children crying. [Dlisted] – George Lopez and Lindsay Lohan’s Twitter “feud” ended exactly as predicted. [PopEater] – Jessica Szohr hawking for Ocean Pacific. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW] – Zach Braff and Em …read full story
