via Picture is Unrelated (Thanks Ben)

Here I was going through pictures of Avril Lavigne and her ex-husband Deryck Whibley being gross together after the Alice in Wonderland premiere in London last night, when I came across this beautiful photo of Michael Kors’ hernia asking the punk fart princess to autograph a picture of a possum holding a Jello mold. This seems more than fitting since Avril has the personality of a Jello mold and the singing voice of a screeching baby possum.

And for those of you whispering in my ear that Avril is autographing a still from a movie she did voice stuff for, I just have to say: “Yayayayayayaya…I’m not listening…..let me believe!“

Here’s more of Avril and a balding Sonic the Hedgehog last night. Yeah, I guess they are licking each other’s butt holes again. This week, anyway.

While I’m currently being buried alive in ice and snow, Michael Kors and his boyfriend (not the delectable ham in the orange hat above) are warming their nipples in St. Barts.

Speaking of nipples, it looks like Michael’s got a fat one hanging out of his belly. That belly button could be the next contestant on The Biggest Loser.

It’s probably a hernia. But it could also be his belly popping a boner from glancing at that hot piece behind him. Or maybe Jon Gosselin’s penis finally broke free and took the next ride out of town which happened to be Michael Kors’ belly. Yeah, it’s definitely the latter.

The Lost promos were right. All of life’s greatest mysteries will be revealed in 2010! Detective La Toya can cross “Who is Carly Simon singing about?” from her list of cases to solve, because The Sun says that “You’re So Vain” is directed towards peen-loving entertainment executive David Geffen.

Since the song came out in the 70s, hos have been wondering who Carly wrote the song for. Guesses ranged from Warren Beatty to Mick Jagger to James Taylor to Cat Stevens to Carly’s dentist. In a reworked version of the song on Carly’s new album, you can hear her whisper the name “David” if you play it backwards, while standing on your head, with your finger in your butt.

David was the head of Carly’s record label at the time the song was written, and some say she was pissed at that queen for spending all his time promoting her arch rival Joni Mitchell.

The Sun has a clip of the evidence on their site, and it sort of sounds like she’s saying “David.” But mostly it sounds like E.T. gasping for air. It’s REALLY the sound of Warren Beatty’s ego crushing, because he’s upset the song really isn’t about him.

Don’t get the sads, Warren. If you change your name to “David,” it can still be about you!

Paging Alexis Bellino! Paging Alexis Bellino! Put your titties on the prayer table, and ask God to forgive Vicki’s (alleged) cheating heart!

Star Magazine says that the Real Housewives of Orange County’s Vicki sucked on the tongue of a 25-year-old college student while she was partying without her husband Don in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico last month. Vicki’s victim, University of Manitoba student Mike Pullin, admitted to Star that they made out all night. Mike said, “Vicki was extremely outgoing and having a great time, like a sorority girl. We clicked immediately and danced to rock ‘n’ roll by Bon Jovi and Journey. She was living it up. She kept talking to me. She was a big flirt.”

The truth is, I find this hard to believe. Vicki doesn’t have time to make out with douchey frat boys, because she’s too busy working. If Mike wants to make out with Vicki, he has to call her office for an appointment and it can’t be during the weekday….BECAUSE SHE WORKS! Vicki is the only one on this planet who works!

But if it is true, then I’m going to guess that Mike has always had a strange attraction to Droopy Dog since he was a child. His mom might say that she would regularly catch him licking on a Droopy Dog pillow. So wet dreams do come true, I guess.

The original CoCo (okay, the second original Coco) (okay, the third original Coco) wants to know why MySpace would delete this demure portrait of the road to her pristine anus. CoCo asked this important question on her Twatter yesterday:

Why did myspace take this pic down.Are they offended by butt-crack?Its female curvature!

CoCo has a point. MySpace allows thousands of pictures of tweens in their training bras, but yet they throw the holy water on this G-rated picture of CoCo’s back chichis? To be honest, I don’t really see an butt crack. All I see is two pot-bellied pigs doing butt-to-butt.

After Canada’s women’s hockey team won the gold over the US team last night, they bumped boobs, grabbed the beer and headed back to the ice to celebrate their victory. But not everyone was happy to see them puffing on cigars and guzzling on the sweet nectar on the ice. The buzz killers known as the International Olympic Committee said they will waste time and money on investigating the shenanigans of Canada’s women’s hockey team. They are dead serious:

The International Olympic Committee will investigate the behavior of the Canadian women’s hockey players who celebrated their gold medal at the Vancouver Games by drinking alcohol on the ice.

Somebody stick a cigar in the IOC’s mouth and give them a beer enema, because it’s really not that serious. What are they going to do? Ground them and take away their gold medals for two weeks? Dumb bisneyes! They should be investigating more important things, like what the hell is going on with Wayne Gretzky’s face.

Besides, does the IOC really want to rumble with the copper iron flower that is Melody Davidson:

Melody could eat the rage out of Courtney Love’s vagina of destruction, so the IOC is no match for her. Melody will chew them up. They won’t be able to walk for a week.