Brit Brit’s weave mites were getting into the bags of grits, so Daddy Spears sent her off to the salon to get that sh*t fumigated.

Last night, Brit Brit showed up to the Nine Zero One salon for the works! The staff puts on their hazard suits, flea dipped Brit, tamed her weave with a garden hoe and a peroxide prayer, rolled her in Cheeto dust and brought Maaco in to do her face. VOILA!

Brit Brit went in looking like a beautiful and rare Louisiana trailer park dandelion that tastes like 4-day-old Frapp crust and causes you to hallucinate about Christmas when you chew on it. And Brit came out looking like something Hulk Hogan would love to mbuttage while wearing a yellow speedo. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that Brit looked better before.

But I shouldn’t worry, she’ll be back to looking like her old stunning self when she rolls off the futon tomorrow morning. Yay!

Jackee Harry is making a second appearance as Hot Slut of the Day to celebrate 227 Day! Today is the day you stick your head out of the window to talk trash with your neighbors on the stoop about the building’s resident slut (which is probably you). Or you can do like I’m going to do: slip on an outfit so tight that it makes your arteries pop and get yourself a MAN! ANY MAN!

Below is a clip from 227 of Sandra, one of my childhood heroes, proving that she’s always got dick on the brain:

Happy 227 Day!

Dame Elizabeth Taylor (78)
Nicole Linkletter (25)
Josh Groban (29)
Chelsea Clinton (30)
Bobby Valentino (30)
Peter Andre (37)
Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas (39)
Donal Logue (44)
Noah Emmerich (45)
Grant Show (48)
Adam Baldwin (48)
Johnny Van Zant (51)
Timothy Spall (53)
Joanne Woodward (80)

This is not an optical illusion. This is real-life. You know, I always knew Snookers was the size of Michael Kors hernia (aka my new favorite thing), but homegirl looks beyond miniature standing next to the mammoth amazonian known as Wendy Williams.

Snooki was also pretty brave (or drunk) standing that close to Wendy’s torpedoes. If Snooki shook her head around a few times, she would’ve accidentally motorboat Wendy. And if one of Wendy’s nipples sneezed (it happens often), it would’ve f**ked up Snooki’s face again.

via Snook’s Twitter

The last time Gary Coleman went on The Insider, the meanies circled around him on the playground and started to poke at his little butt for allegedly beating on his wife. Gary fought back by throwing a fist full of “f**k offs” at them before stomping off to stew under the jungle gym. Well, for some reason (hint: a check made out to cash) Gary went back to The Insider today to shoot a segment. And just like last time, the segment didn’t end with everyone laughing over some milk ‘n cooooookies.

The L.A. Times says that Gary suffered a seizure in the middle of filming. Thankfully for Gary, Dr. Drew was on set and took care of him before the paramedics arrived. If Dr. Drew wasn’t there, Gary would be in danger girl, because useless butt Lara Spencer can’t do sh*t unless she reads it off a teleprompter. Seriously, Lara has teleprompters all over her house that say: Take A sh*t.

This Gary’s second seizure in two months. Gary suffers from a congenital kidney disease, but he doesn’t like to talk about it. Gary is now in the hospital in stable condition.

Remember that very special episode of Diff’rent Strokes where Karen the street performer (I think she was a clown or a mime) had a seizure in front of Arnold and his friend. Then later when Arnold and his friend started making jokes about Karen’s seizure, Pearl told them to shut the hell up because she suffered from seizures too. Arnold felt bad, but learned a life lesson: when making fun of a person’s condition, make sure nobody else in the room suffers from that same condition.

This really has nothing to do with this story, but every time I read “Gary Coleman had a seizure” I think of that episode and how it freaked me out/fascinated my butt a kid.

Oh, and Gary stop going on The Insider! They are bad for your health (and vice versa, I think).

Today in London, Prince Hot Ginge welcomed a group of cyclers taking party in a charity cycle ride from Rome to Edinburgh. PHG posed for pictures, puckered up his lips and then busted out the pose above. You know my thoughts grow in the gutter, so this picture makes me think that he pretends he’s riding a hog when he hits it from the back. You know he makes the “vroooom vrooom” noise when he sticks the tip in.

Thinking about PHG making motorcycle noises during f**k times makes me want to jump on a bike and ride through the snow until my fever breaks.

A strange and sordid rumor has been going around London’s SoHo that which wholesome, well-fed and happily married TV star picked up a cute young gay so that he could piss on him in the bathtub. Careful now, loose lips (and tongues) sink ships! (Popbisney via Blind Gossip)

Gordon Ramsay, which would explain why he says “piss off” so much? Or maybe (probably) Jamie Oliver?

This aging, former B list television actor who used to be on a very hit show, is now a C despite working almost constantly since that hit show went off the air. Or is it? Our actor is in the middle of a divorce to his long term wife. The reason? Well the affair he has been having for the past year with a lingerie model/actress and her live in lingerie model girlfriend probably had a lot to do with it. (CDAN)

Lesbian lingerie models?! I’m going to go with Charlie Sheen’s recurring wet dream.

Which long running feud between band members could have something to do with the fact that one of them has slept with the others husband? (Holy Moly!)

Ginger Spice, how could you sit on David Beckham’s face?! No, I’ll go with Cheryl Cole and Nadine of Girls Aloud?

(Image via Flickr)

This is exactly how Tommy Girl and John Travolta exercise together (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Awwwww. Matt Damon is trying to grow a stache. How cute - Lainey Gossip

Suri is going to be pissed when she finds out that Stepford Katie wore one of her dresses as a shirt – Popsugar

Please tell me Nicole Kidman is playing Jennifer Aniston’s mother! – Just Jared

Anne Hathaway’s naked breasts will return to the silver screen – Egotastic!

What is Blohan wearing today? (SPOILER ALERT: It’s leggings) – Hollywood Tuna

IN THIS ECONOMY, Lady CaCa has been forced to wear old parts from Rose Parade floats – The Superficial

Pete Doherty’s future self looked hot at the Alice in Wonderland premiere – Holy Moly!

Performance artist James Franco gets wet for Gucci – Towleroad

Lily Allen forgot to add: “with a man o’ war vagina” – Hollywood Rag

Taking weight loss advice from Kirstie Alley is like taking …well…like taking weight loss advice from Kirstie Alley – Celebisneyy

Kelly Bundy and Sam Micelli are doing a movie together – I’m Not Obsessed

If you need to feel naturally gorgeous today, go here - Socialite Life

Lily Allen never met a cocktail she didn’t love – Cityrag

Keep the mask on – ICYDK