You know that time (just pretend you do) Brit Brit was halfway home from Costco when she realized she forgot something important in the parking lot? No, not her box of beef and cheese Slim Jims. Brit Brit would never forget that. I’m talking about one of her precious Cheetolings!

Well, this is kind of like that time except I don’t think Brit Brit realizes yet that she forgot to put on the rest of her outfit. She’s like, “Ahs gots this!“

And you know Walmart is going to do a knock-off version of this mess for their lingerie department.

Here’s a few more of Brit Brit and her boyfriend Jason Trainwreck at the Grammys tonight.

Here’s Prince Michael Jr. and Paris Jackson accepting their late father’s lifetime achievement award at the Grammy Awards tonight. To answer my own question above, I think Blanket couldn’t make it because he was meeting with the lawyers to legally change his nickname to Snuggie. It is 2010 after all.

I know we watched Paris speak at her father’s memorial, but it still is kind of strange hearing them talk. I guess I expect them to sound as quiet as a butterfly’s flutter (sorry Mimi) like their father. Prince Michael Jr. is so eloquent and so professional-like! If he was trying to sell me car insurance, I wouldn’t buy it because I don’t have a car. But I would be impressed with his pitch.

And I know some of you think that Joe Jackson’s strong pimp hand forced the kids to get on stage, but I’m not sure about that. If that was the case, Prince Michael Jr. would’ve kick, ball changed before name dropping Joe’s stupid butt Blu-ray production company.

UPDATE: Below is the 3D Michael Jackson tribute featuring Celine Dion, Tameka Foster’s former tucker, Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Underwears and Smokey Robinson. It’s basically a SCREAM OFF. You might be better off trying to find a 3D clip of Captain EO to watch. Well, unless you want to see what Beyonce and RiRi looked like while watching Avatar.

At tonight’s Grammy Awards, Lady CaCa tucked her peen, squeezed her nalgas and welcomed us into something called The Fame Factory (which is also what OctoMom calls her uterus). Yeah, she calls it The Fame Factory, but bisney needs more people. That’s the old set from the Batman Stunt Show at Six Flags Magic Mountain! You can throw a bunch of dancing uncut penises around it, but we all know the truth.

You know, I was going along with this rhinestone bath house revue co-starring Elton John, until my friend caused me to turn inside/out from dry heaving so hard by writing me this on IM: “GaGa is our modern day JEM!” This “friend” can cross me off the list of people to call when he gets arrested for public indecency, because JEM! is an 80s Jesus. When the word “f**kery” makes the Webster’s Dictionary, that sentence can be published as an example.

And here’s a few pictures of CaCa looking like the Wicked Witch of the West stole Glinda’s custom-made gown for the Slinky convention.

James St. James over at WOW Report is part of Drew Barrymore’s inner Facebook harem, because he jokes that he got her drunk on Kahlua and coke when she was 10. I’m sure it wasn’t Kahlua and coke. It was Kahlua and cream, because James knows that milk does a growing child’s body good.

Anyway, yesterday Drew switched her status to ENGAGED!

And if it’s on Facebook, it must be true. Facebook never ever lies. So that means that Drew is walking around with an iRing on her finger from The Mac Dude. Unless, Facebook does lie and this is just a publicity stunt cooked up by Steve Jobs to promote the iPad. This is possible

At Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party last night, RiRi’s dress took me to so many places. It took me to Candy Spelling’s gift wrapping room, because homehead looked like she just had a totally messy orgy with a bunch of tissue paper. RiRi’s dress also took me to the county fair, because I’m staring at her wondering if I want blue or pink cotton candy. And finally, RiRi’s dress took me to a ballet recital starring 6-year-olds, because bisney looked like she got caught in a tutu tornado and barely lived to the tale.

This rumor about Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend breaking up really makes me want to poke a hole through an apple (NOT LIKE THAT), top it with the good sh*t and puff puff puff away. Actually, I’d probably want to do that even if I didn’t read this sh*t, but now I have a reason!

The Daily Mail says that Charlize Theron dumped Stuart Townsend after 9 years together. Charlize is no longer wearing the commitment ring Stuart gave her. A friend of Charlize’s said that she quit his butt around Christmas times, because she no longer felt the tingles for him in that way. The friend went on to say, “They had become more like brother and sister than lovers. It was she who ended it. She truly loved Stuart but the relationship ran its course. He is heartbroken but she is insisting it is all over.“

You know what would’ve saved their relationship?! You know what would’ve made them fall in love with each other all over again like the first time? Roller skating in each other’s arms to “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Magical things happen when you click your roller skates to Journey:

Then they’d consummate their new love by finger banging each other in the parking lot while a bunch of kids laughed at them. It would’ve been beautiful.

And in order to support Stuart, Charlize would’ve turned to a life of murder… Okay, maybe it’s best they didn’t roller skate to Journey after all.

Before we begin, this is obligatory: Ctl + Alt + DeleteTheGoatBeardAlreadyBrad

At last night’s Directors Guild Awards in Los Angeles, Billy Goat Brad came out of his cave to introduce his Inglourious Basterds director Quentin Tarantino, and St. Angie tagged along. But St. Angie skipped the red carpet.

People says that Brangie murdered the break-up rumors by acting all affectionate with each other during the show. Some witness-type said, “They looked very giggly. They look like they are having a fun time. It’s definitely a date.“

Cut to the Brangaloonies shouting: PRAISE BEAUTIFULL ANGELINA AND BRAD FOR PROOVING THE LOOSER HATERZZZZ WRONG! JP 4 EVAHZ!!!!

Cut to everyone else saying: They were giggly because they were stoned out of their minds! It’s the only way they can handle being near each other.

And it goes on…

Underneath the black crust that covers my heart lives a soft spot that is reserved for old butt drunkity drunk drunks only. I don’t know why that is. Probably because they are usually the only ones who talk to me at bars. So because of this, my soul laughed, cried and laughed at the news that 78-year-old Rip Torn got arrested on Friday night for getting wasted and breaking into a bank in Salisbury, CT. Rip got an RUI (robbing under the influence).

TMZ reports that Rip got into the bank by breaking a window, which triggered an alarm. When the police showed up, they found Rip lying on the floor in middle of the bank with a loaded revolver in his hand. They charged him with with carrying a pistol without a permit, carrying a firearm while intoxicated, first-degree burglary, first-degree criminal trespbutt and third-degree criminal mischief. Rip’s bail was set at $100,000, and he’s still sitting in a jail cell probably looking like something The Hoff coughed up.

The president of the bank is feeling sorry for Rip. He believes that Rip was drunker than a British pony and had no idea where he was. He doesn’t think Rip was trying to hurt anybody or rob the bank. The cops told him that Rip thought he was in his own home. You know, because Rip’s living room is filled with polyester sofas, cardboard cutouts of white people and teller windows. The president of the bank wants to get Rip some help since this isn’t his first or second booze-related arrest. The mug shot above, which still makes me want to check into the Promises Outlet, was born from a 2006 DUI.

Part of me thinks that as long as no shots were fired and nobody’s butthole bled, Rip can do whatever the f**k he wants. He’s Zeus. But the other part of me thinks that Dr. Drew needs to put together a Celebrity Rehab: OLDIES EDITION for Rip, The Hoff, Ronnie Wood, Gary Busey (again) and Nick Nolte. Actually, all of me thinks Dr. Drew needs to do this.

And Rip should’ve told the cops that he was just doing research for the sequel to Freddy Got Fingered.

Debbie Deb was a Hot Slut back in the earlier days of Dlisted in 2005, but I felt she deserved an encore appearance in honor of Grammy Day! Debbie Deb was never nominated for a Grammy, but if it was up to me the dashboard of her ’83 Lincoln Continental would be lined with a dozen of them. “Lookout Weekend” is still the hardest-working ho on my iTunes (aka bisney gets played a lot).

According to Wikipedia, Debbie left the music industry in the late 80s, because they treated her like sh*t. They used a fake butt Debbie Deb on her record cover, because the real Debbie Deb was too fat for them. That’s some “C+C Music Factory before C+C Music Factory did it” sh*t!

Today Debbie Deb works as a hair dresser in Philadelphia. When she’s not frosting tips, she’s out performing in freestyle music festivals.

Here’s a clip of Debbie Deb performing in San Bernadindo, CA last year. No, that’s not me in the black polo shirt and glbuttes. I SWEAR.