Ambien Sex?

So, Radar is saying that Rachel Uchitel told friends that Tiger Woods was hooked on having “Ambien Sex” with her. Apparently, Rachel said, “You know you have crazier sex on Ambien – you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex.“

I feel like an innocent virgin again, because I have never heard of this sh*t before. My parts have been f**king with wrong bisneyes, I guess.

After doing some research (aka a ten second Google search and an IM conversation with one of my sluttier friends), I learned that when you’re f**king in an Ambien haze, you will do some kinky sh*t that you wouldn’t normally do when sober. When you wake up the next morning with a severed monkey paw in your anus and a butt plug in your mouth, you won’t remember what you did the night before. Cut to Gerard Butler saying, “Welcome to my world.“

The last time I took Ambien, the sexiest thing I did was hug my pillow really tight and slobber all over it. I need to ask my doctor for “that kind” of Ambien (wink wink).