Can you believe the decade is already over? It seems like it was just yesterday that we were all boozing, bonging and blowjobbing in 2000. And now we’re going to be boozing, bonging and blowjobbing in 2010! CRAZY! Time flies when you’re a drunken whore.

Anyway, I want to wish all of you a very Happy New Year! And if you’ve already banged in the new year, I want to wish you good luck, because I’m sure your drunk butt is doing one of the following right now: a) trying to protect your butthole in jail b) trying to break into your local free clinic to get a hold of a morning-after pill or c) trying to find a church that is still open so that you can cleanse your sin-covered skin in a bowl of holy water.

And I also want to thank you for joining me during this year full of f**kery. When I dry heaved, you dry heaved right next to me. When I slapped my nipples and pinched my taint, you slapped your nipples and pinched your taint right next to me. When I worshiped at the feet of Chicken Cutlets, you logged off and called Bellevue. We did it together. And hopefully, we’ll do it all over again next year.

Speaking of Chicken Cutlets, here she is to wish all of you a frecklelicious 2010! Now log off and call Bellevue. I’ll be waiting with a Straitjacket Snuggie on. Happy New Year!

It’s still not 2010 for some of us, so it’s not too late to name this as the SONG OF THE DECADE! sh*t, this might be the anthem of all our lives! It’s the hatetress of hate Megan Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church (those “God Hates Fags” loontardians) and her parody of Lady CaCa’s Poker Face. It features such amazing lyrics as, “Lady GayGay,” “God hates you,” and “your whorish face.” Listen to this wreck:

Megan should come write for Dlisted! Yeah, I know I should be cyber fisting this crazy bisney in the mouth, but I can’t help but want to party with her.

While we’re all doing shots, she’ll scream at how our souls will turn to ash in the fiery pits of Hell. And then after catching us sucking dick in the men’s bathroom, she’ll spit in our ear (foreplay) and tell us that our whore faces are worth a first clbutt ticket to Lucifer’s chambers. Keep giving us that dirty filthy talk, Megan!

What’s really hilarious is that Megan says “Poker Face” is the devil’s music, but she probably listened to that song a million times while working on her parody. That means she’ll be making s’mores with us in the giant chiminea known as Hell. Save us a seat, Megan!

And here’s the object of Megan’s lady erection showing off her tuck game in Miami this morning.

Cruella de Stone KILLED A MUPPET!!!!!! – Socialite Life

Simon Cowell is the Titty King of Barbados – Popsugar

Fishy barf - Lainey Gossip

Whore pit viper - Hollywood Tuna

This is our future, Part 3,224,556 (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Wino looking as stunning as ever – Just Jared

And I can’t wait for Roxanne’s tuck slips – Holy Moly!

Kim Kardbuttian is full of sh*t – I’m Not Obsessed

Jakey dropped the soap….several times – ICYDK

Maddox & Pax take their pet goat to Dave & Busters – Celebisneyy

Hot gay action on One Life to Live - Towleroad

This is all of us tonight - Hollywood Rag

Tranny-alikes – Cityrag

via Daily Mail

I didn’t know Twiki from Buck Rogers was doing vocal for Flavor Flav. That’s the only reasonable explanation for why Foofy Foo’s new single “I’ll Never Let You Go (An Ode to Auto-Tune)” sounds like a robot with Tourettes singing into a high-powered fan. This will make you want to kick technology in the crotch bone.

Jay-Z was dead wrong about auto-tune taking a nap in a coffin anytime soon. Auto-tune is alive and well thanks to this future Grammy-winning masterpiece. Shift f**kery into sixth gear and ride the hell away from this disaster.

On a positive note, this is the perfect song if you’re a greedy bisney who is getting married soon. As soon as this clbuttic plays over the speakers for the “first dance,” every guest, cater waiter and in-law will bust out of there. More booze and cake for you!

via ONTD (Thanks Brandy)

When the monkeys at the Bronx zoo were presented with a mound of Jell-O with blueberries in it, they didn’t know whether to attack it or make out with it. Hell, all of us should approach Jell-O with the same kind of caution, because who knows what the hell kind of jelly jizz sh*t they put in there.

And this video is also an accurate reenactment of Tommy Girl’s first time trying to do oral to a girl.

via Buzzfeed

Jersey Shore’s Snookikins, the gorgeous dingle John Waters farted up one night after a manicotti dinner, has a way with words the same way she has a way with pickles. The Pickle Whisperer gave an eloquent statement when asked how she feels about Domino’s and Unico (an Italian American organization) hating on her show. Snooki said, “f**k you! If you don’t want to watch, don’t watch. Just shut the hell up! I’m serious…f**k you!” And she is serious. If Domino’s doesn’t stop it, Snooki will mount one of their pizza slices and f**k the pepperoni off it. sh*t, it’s orange and greasy enough.

Domino’s and Unico both issued hilarious statements in response to Snooki. First up is Domino’s:

“Our first response was, ‘What a clbutty young lady—her parents must be so proud. There’s no need to get into a war with this young girl, because ticktock, her 15 minutes are almost up.“

And now let’s shine a light on Unico’s corner:

“She is not an embarrbuttment to Italian Americans — she is actually an embarrbuttment to the entire human race!!!!“

The last time I ordered Domino’s, they said they would knock on my door in 30 minutes. It took them an hour, so if we’re going by Domino’s clock that means Snooki will be around for at least another 2 hours. And I already felt in a tingle in my soul for Snooki, but after reading Unico’s statement, I want to adopt her midget butt. Embarrbuttments to the human race need to stick together!

(Image via ONTD)

The ladyfriend Rosie O’Donnell was spotted holding hands with the other day is her new bagina bumpin’ lover. And the woman sounds like even St. Angie bows down before her halo. That was served without any sarcasm. Not a drop. I know, mark this day in your calendars.

People reports that Rosie’s partner in pussy is Tracy Kachtick-Anders, an artiste from Texas. Tracy is also the founder of the Open Arms Campaign, a non-profit that brings together foster kids with gay and gayelle families. Tracy is the mother of six kids. Five are adopted and several of them have special needs.

The two met online through Rosie’s blog. Tracy posted some comment that made Rosie’s clit stand up and pay attention. The rest is lezzie history.

It’s a good thing that Tracy is a mother to six kids. That means she’ll know exactly what to do when Rosie throws one of her major dyketrums.