Would You Hit It?
On Today this morning, Matt Lauer dressed up as a former gay twink power bottom porn star who now works as a third-tier Luke Skywalker impersonator at children’s birthday parties (aka Bruno). Oh, and to answer my question, DUH! But I’d just let him slap one of the cheeks with his light saber. That’s it.
As you can tell, all of the hos on the Today show dressed up as Star Wars characters for Halloween. Meredith Vieira was Princess Leia, Hoda was Yoda, Al Roker was Hans Solo, Kathie Lee Gifford was C-3DrunkHo, Ann Curry was Darth Vader and Natalie Morales was Padme.
Katie Couric’s old colonoscopy footage was supposed to be Jabba the Hutt, but there were scheduling conflicts. And Gary Coleman dressed up as one of the Ewoks. A check is a check, and he has to keep his ginge bride happy with sugar cubes and organic carrots.
It’s That Time Of Day Where We All Stare At Scott Speedman’s Sexy Muffin Top
Here’s Scott Speedman shuffling around the streets of Beverly Hills in man-flops with his fresh out of the oven (not an ode to JLo) muffin top peeking out. It needs butter. Okay, okay, I know Scott doesn’t look like he belongs on a Betty Crocker box, but “muffin top” sounds so much more delicious than “stomach” or “belly.”
If You Have Testicles, Cover Them Up
All ballsacks need to leave the room now. Whatever was left of mine is already on the corner trying to flag a cab down. You’ve been warned.
Anthony Clark was strolling down a street in Langley, Canada, minding his own business, when some lady kicked him in his tea bags for absolutely no reason. The bisney busted him so hard in the crotch that one his testicles shot up into his abdomen like a sledge hammer carnival game.
Anthony tells The Calgary Herald that he didn’t know how bad it was until that night when he realized one of his sperm sacks was missing in action. When Anthony went to see his doctor, he was told to mourn the loss of his testicle, because it ruptured. They had to yank it out and will replace it with a prosthetic one in a couple of months. Fortunately, Anthony can still have chirruns if he wants to.
When Anthony went to file a report with the police about the incident, he was told that the same f**kery happened to several other dudes. They are now on the search for The Testicle Terrorist of Langley who is described as a Caucasian lady in her 20s.
Okay, there are plenty times throughout the day that I just want to run outside and karate kick a random dude in the dick, but DAMN! It’s called self-control…and mbuttive amounts of weed. Lick a nut, don’t kick one!
And let me just type what we’re all thinking: KATE GOSSELIN MUST BE STOPPED!
VIA C+D
Ryan Seacrest Has A Stalker
A man named Chidi Uzomah was arrested at the E! building in Los Angeles this morning after he showed up asking for Ryan Seacrest. Security recognized Chidi as a known Seacrest-stalker and immediately called the police. It was game over for Chidi after that.
Last month, Chidi was sentenced to three months probation and was ordered to stay away from Gaycrest after he pleaded guilty to attacking one of Ryan’s bodyguards outside of a charity event in Orange County, CA. When Chidi was searched today, the cops found a knife on him and a personal check from Joel McHale. I made up that last up.
Maybe Chidi thinks Ryan will lead him to a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Somebody should tell Chidi he has the wrong bisney. And Chidi’s family was unavailable for comment because they were too busy bawling on the floor out of embarrbuttment.
Source: E! Online
Afternoon Crumbs
The most disturbing thing about these pictures is seeing Twit & Twat with babies in their hands….even fake ones – Just Jared
Just like Heidi Klum, I like to only wear a pair of suspenders when I’m out catching flies with my mouth – Egotastic!
Now is Chicken Cutlets chance to go from lead seat filler to HOST! It’s the next natural step. – Lainey Gossip
The most prolific literary talent in history has another book out – Hollywood Tuna
David Banda is trying to show up Maddox – Popsugar
Geri Haliwell is not about to let the paps get a shot of her ginger spice (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Katy Perry’s four globes – Popoholic
Robbie Williams pulls out – Holy Moly!
Nicole Kidman is afraid to sing, because she knows if she opens her mouth too wide she may get a half-wrinkle – I’m Not Obsessed
Brandon Beemer is raising awareness…and other things – Towleroad
I guess I won’t be sleeping tonight – Cityrag
Oksana Grigorieva is just a rude gold digging bisney. Definitely, my kind. – Celebisneyy
Macy Gray is drunk on crazy – ICYDK
Why? – Hollywood Rag
Sandra Bullock finally admits that she’s a zit on everyone’s nipple - Socialite Life
(Image: Pacific Coast News)
The CAPTION THIS Contest For October 30th!
Today’s caption picture in all its glory might be too much for some of you to handle, so it’s after the jump. Put a block of ice on your crotch and JUMP!
Open Post: Hosted By A Dancing Pumpkin Head
So now you finally know what my second job is. I’m a Fly Pumpkhead on The CW News in Omaha, Nebraska. I WISH. If I had moves like that I wouldn’t be wasting my talents on the local news. I’d be punching and thrusting on the Santa Monica Promenade or in the NYC subways. For real.
And now we all finally found a Halloween costume that will give us a good reason to vogue AND karate kick at once. ALL THE SINGLE PUMPKINHEADS!
VIA Videogum
Glamberace Fierce
The cover for Glamberace’s single “For your EnterTAINTment” isn’t going to transport you to a planet where glittery unicorns ejaculate rainbows (aka Planet Cornify) like his album portrait, but it might make your f**k hole inhale until it goes blue. That’s a compliment. I think. And is it just me or does Glamberace’s finger joo-ree look like mini dick-cuffs for a chain gang bang? Tommy Girl will order a dozen!
Listen to Glamberace’s song below and tell me if it’s about getting gay raped in an S&M disco club. Or not.
VIA Queerty
Adrianne Curry has been working out
Adrianne Curry posted the above pic to her Twitter today with the following message: My pumped upper back. I may look skinner, but I’m cut,bisneyes! 
Thanks to the magic of Twitter, it’s safe to buttume Adrianne Curry spends… …read full story
Christina Ricci in a bikini
Here’s Christina Ricci in Miami today with her boyfriend ME. Yep, we decided to get a little R&R together, and if you’re wondering why I keep ducking out of every shot, that’s because I’m the modest type who doesn’t… …read full story
