Vadge usually only eats the kosher organs of fresh fetuses and the nutsack root of virgins (it’s macrobiotic!), but she nibbled on a pizza in NYC this afternoon. Vadge washed it all down with a Kabbalah-tini which had just a splash of Baby Jesus’ tears of mercy in it. Just a splash. She didn’t want to go wild in the afternoon. Vadge did it all during a segment taped for The Late Show with David Letterman. Vadge and Letterman go waaaaaaay back to the dark ages.

Even though Vadge has dropped the f**k word several times on his show, seeing her eat a pizza was probably more shocking for Letterman.

And I have to admit that I kind of like Vadge’s whole “First Lady of Russia circa 1989” look.

Ever since Peter Andre and Katie Price separated, he has taken a vow of celibacy. My guess is that Peter just wants to let his genitals heal after being exposed to toxic levels of fake tanning grease.

Peter says that he doesn’t need his nalgas caressed by a gentle hand, because he has chocolate! Peter tells OK! Magazine (via The Sun), “I’ve replaced it, I’ve got my chocolate, which the fans keep on bringing me. I’m living on it!”

Does Peter really expect me to believe that a piece of raw sex like him isn’t getting his rocks off one way or another? Yeah, I know what Peter’s really doing with that chocolate. A little Rolo in his holo. Uh uh. Peter is bringing new meaning to the word “butterfinger.” And if you’re ever at Peter’s house, DO NOT eat the Cadbury Creme Eggs. That is not the kind of creme you want to lick on.

Oprah got in her solid gold jet and flew all the way to Copenhagen to declare to the Olympic committee that she’s ready to embrace the summer games! The Mighty O and Michelle Obama will appear before the International Olympic Committee tomorrow in a bid to bring the 2016 summer games to Chicago. President Obama is still trying to decide whether he’s going to make the trip. I don’t think he wants to miss tonight’s episode America’s Next Top Model.

The other cities in the running include Madrid, Rio and Tokyo.

Oprah said, “I love and believe in Chicago, and I think it would be the perfect host city for the 2016 Olympic and Paralympic Games.”

What Oprah really means is that she’ll trade in her puss holder Gayle King for the Olympics. And if they don’t do that, she’ll buy the damn Olympics herself and rename it THE OPRAHLYMPICS! I shouldn’t even joke, because that is totally possible.

Usually when you have a fight with your common-law husband, you hit him over the head with a frying pan, shank him in the neck with an ice-pick or call his mother to tell her that you caught him jacking off to her picture in the bathroom. You know, you get your revenge the normal way. Well, some crazy ho in Texas went way too far when she decided to pull a Fatal Attraction on her common-law husband’s goldfish.

USA Today says that the police in Pasadena, TX were called to a home by a man claiming his wife fried up their goldfish and ate ‘em up after an argument. When they arrived, they found a plate with four fried goldfish on it. The crazy bisney admitted that she ate 3. And you know there was a tiny fried fin hanging out of her mouth when she confessed to it.

The man said they had an argument after he took back some joo-ree he bought for her. When he refused to give it back to her after she begged, she grabbed the fish out of their bowl and made herself a snack fit for a lunatic.

After the police gave the woman a “Are you a f**king cat?” side-eye, they told the couple it was civil matter they had to work out themselves. No charges were filed.

Obviously, the man needs to get back at her by frying her joo-ree and swallowing that up. And at least the two didn’t have any pet bunnies or puppies…….

(Thanks Larissa)

Amanda Woodward reporting for bisneyery! bisney needs to put down that water and slap a trick or steal a ho’s man – Hollywood Tuna

Sophie Monk proves that she’s more than just Benji Madden’s ex-piece by bringing her titty out in a sh*t show – Egotastic!

The fashion world’s greatest designer since Charlotte Russe is taking Paris by storm – Popsugar

Lady CaCa proves that she’s the master of the tuck – Hollywood Rag

Phoebe, Monica, but no Rachel – Lainey Gossip

Dear Drew Barrymore, this is not the look – Just Jared

Who cares about Kate Beckinsale or donuts (I can’t believe I typed that), look at the PUPPY!!! (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Chuck Bbutt bares his furry manbreasts on Arena Homme magazine – Towleroad

Kim Zolciak might be a low-budget hooker, but she’s not a stripper – ICYDK

So close, yet so…BOOM! – Cityrag

UsWeekly is turning Jessica Biel into the next Jennifer Aniston/Jessica Simpson – Celebisneyy

Kate Gosselin wants to go on with the divorce show – I’m Not Obsessed

Pussy Wino looks way to clean and sober to be pbutt for the real thing – Popbytes

Somebody check on Elizabeth Taylor! - Socialite Life

VIA FunPic

Entertainment Tonight is saying that 73-year-old Dennis Hopper was rushed to the hospital in NYC today. According to them, Dennis was brought in by an ambulance and was wearing an oxygen mask. One witness said they saw a lot of tubes around him. That’s all the info they have for now.

Since summer is over, I’m going to choose to believe that Dennis is perfectly fine. Maybe he just really loves the chocolate pudding there and was in the mood for some.

I will update when there’s a little more information.

UPDATE: Dennis’ publicist says he has been hospitalized after suffering flu-like symptoms.

Here we have self-proclaimed “Jewmaican” Amy Wino spitting our rhymes during a late-night jam session. Yes, she sounds like a deaf dolphin who just masturbated with a power strip and gargled with handful of hot tacks, but what did you expect? Look on the bright side, at least she’s coherent! Don’t laugh, this is coherent for Amy Wino.

Clearly MC Crackie needs to team up with Tom OC. They will be the methadone clinic version of Salt-N-Pepa.

VIA Best Week Ever