After a flight from Los Angeles to Mississippi, Brit Brit stepped out of her luxurious flying trailer and took a breath of fresh air. And by “fresh air,” I mean Winston smoke. Our Lady of Cheetos had to gargle with a little nicotine in order to get her possum yodel ready for the big hillbilly show on Tuesday!

Brit Brit’s back in Kentwood to prepare for the opening of her “I Ain’t Got The Crazies No Mo’” tour in New Orleans. Brit Brit along with her little Cheetolets and Master Spears arrived at the airport yesterday.

You know, it’s still a little odd seeing Brit Brit looking like she bathes, shampoos and wipes her chitterling area regularly. I mean, where did all her weave fleas go? They are wandering the streets looking for another gutter weave to live in.

And I am the only one that gets a craving for cheese grits every time I see Master Spears? I bet he’s always got a crotch full of cheese grits. I can’t….

I’m always joking around that my butt is so gay it can sh*t stars, rainbows and hearts. Well, now it really f**king can thanks to Poopy Time Fun Shapes! All I have to do is stick a plastic tube up my butt, squeeze them cheeks and out comes the fun! I hope they make this in jumbo sizes, because that little thing isn’t going to do. Tic-Tac in a whale!

If spewing out hearts and stars during caca times isn’t your thing, you can also try The Turd Twister. They have over ten shapes to choose from! Everything from a moon turd to a Christmas tree turd. Seriously, it’s not the holiday season until you’ve shat out a Christmas tree! The fun in your end never ends!

VIA Urlesque

Blaaaaake busted out of the chokey this week and it was reported that Amy Wino was on her back to England to jump into his heroin-loving arms to make crack chirruns or something. Well, apparently, Blaaaake isn’t interested anymore and is fleeing Britain. Yeah, something in the leche ain’t clean.

The Sun says that Blaaaake is done and done with the Crackie of Camden and wants to move on with his life (it’s news to me that he has one). Friends say he has refused to see Wino, because he thinks she’s a bad influence on him now. This just confirms that the skank is crack damaged in the brains. Please don’t put a floppy dick in my mouth and tell me it’s hard.

The friend added, “His mum Georgette plans to sell up and get Blake to another country. They don’t want to squander all the hard work.”

Hard work? Oh, I see. Blaaaake believes the rumors that Wino is off the crack, so all his hard work from snorting, injecting and puffing so much will go to waste if she tries to get him off the bad sh*t.

Wherever he goes, Wino’s crackhive will find him. It has skills. So Blaaake should flee to another planet instead. I hear Uranus is nice this time of year. Seriously, Uranus is severely underrated.

Michael Galanes - The hardest working queen in the pageant world and one of the stars of WE’s reality sh*t show Little Miss Perfect. And he also might be the joker’s younger gay brother. The one we never talk about. Below is everything you need to know about this queen. Yes, I’d hit it….while batting my lashes.

(For Tegan)

Gavin MacLeod (79)
Fefe Dobson (24)
Karolina Kurkova (25)
Ali Larter (33)
Robert Sean Leonard (35)
Tangi Miller (35)
Rory Cochrane (37)
Rae Dawn Chong (48)
John Turturro (52)
Cindy Wilson (52)
Gilbert Gottfried (54)
Mercedes Ruehl (61)
Mike Figgis (61)
Bernadette Peters (61)
Stephanie Beacham (62)
Kelly Bishop (65)
Mario Andretti (69)
Tommy Tune (70)
Charles Durning (86)

Princess RiRi of the Universe is reportedly back with the bisney who busted two horns in her wondrous tenhead three weeks ago. That’s what People claims and they are usually right. Unfortunately.

A source said, “They’re together again. They care for each other. While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he is really happy to be with the woman he loves.”

The source went on to say that they are hiding out in one of Diddy’s houses. Wait. Are they the ones having tantric sex with Diddy? That would explain why RiRi took that bisney back. Any kind of sex with Diddy will make you delusional in the brains.

But seriously, WHY?! Why, Riri?! When a dude tells you he’ll never do it again. Nine times out of ten, the motherf**ker is lie-telling. Majorly. RiRi really needs to rent What’s Love Got To Do With It? to see how this is going to play out. Don’t eat the cake, RiRi! In fact, walk away from the f**king cake!