Would You Hit It?

There’s a reason why Orlando Blooms looks like the member of a Rock Star Supernova cover band. The Kim Zolciak approved possum wig and douchy tattoos (the tree framing his nip is kind of poetic, though) are for a movie he’s shooting L.A. called Sympathy for Delicious.

Orlando always struck me as one of those precious f**ks. Do you know what I mean? The kind that caresses and cuddles on you for a long butt time before getting to the X-rated sh*t! The kind that is operating on Skinemax mode when you’re on Spice Network mode. They’re kissing on your neck and you’re thinking, “Can you stick and bust already, so I can go watch some HGTV.” And I bet when Orlando is about to bust one, he faintly ahhhhhhs. Then he probably wants to spoon while he whispers in your ear and strokes your hair. Why ruin a good f**k with lovey dovey sh*t?

That being said, I’d turn on some HGTV and let him take his sweet time hitting it from the back.