Nicole Richie’s ass surprisingly exists
Let me start by saying there are several things I would feasibly believe Nicole Richie possesses:
Pirate ship.
Unicorn.
One Ring to rule them all.
Jesus’ body.
But an butt? C’mon, there’s no way these aren’t Photoshopped. And, seriously, whoever did this, Optimus Prime’s face would’ve looked more realistic back there. You know, provided he was winking and smoking a cigar like Groucho Marx. I’m a helper 
Miranda Kerr is keeping hope alive
Good news, everybody! Despite what the media has been reporting (what with its anti-single-supermodels agenda), Miranda Kerr is not—repeat, not—marrying Orlando Bloom. People reports:
A rep for Bloom’s girlfriend Miranda Kerr is knocking down a report in the Australian media Sunday that the Pirates of the Caribbean star and the model are engaged.
“The story … is completely false and misleading,” the rep says. “Miranda herself has clearly stated she is not engaged. There is nothing else to be said.”
But while they’re not making marriage plans at present, Bloom, 31, and Kerr, 25, are still very much a couple, and Kerry recently spoke about someday settling down with a special someone and having kids.
Sounds like Orlando Bloom got punked pretty hard there. You just know that Miranda probably responded to his 1,000th whiny request to marry him with a, “Hmmm…maybe,” then after he bragged to all his buddies and about it and leaked it to the press, she sent her publicist out there to shoot him down. She probably plays all sorts of similar pranks on him, like “Got your nose” and “Hid your medication.” She just seems cool like that.
Britney Spears heads home after carpet-bombing Europe with FAIL
Seen here at Heathrow Airport this morning, Britney Spears’ European Tour (a.k.a. The Dumb Sauce Parade) came to an end last night after she performed on Britain’s X-Factor then celebrated her birthday at G-A-Y nightclub. While the X-Factor performance was basically a sloppy repeat of the Bambi Awards, at least someone had the foresight to not let her dress like Madonna again. Although in Britney’s defense, her butt looked crazy good. And not just because she’s crazy, but because I’d seriously consider using it as a decorative end table. Then again, I’m the hopeless romantic type. *sigh*
Videos after the jump.
Ben Stiller, Jack Black, P. Diddy dye their pubes (Those words just happened.)
Nancy Jarecki is an entrepreneur who sells dye for “hair down there.” While her product line Betty Beauty is taking off, Nancy needs to learn rule number one in the cutthroat pube dye business: Never out your celebrity clients. Page Six reports:
It’s not just women who are interested in matching the carpet to the drapes: Jarecki says so many men have bought the product that she plans to launch a “Betty for Men” line early next year. “I guess man-scaping for guys is really big these days,” she says, adding that she recently sent the entire buttortment of colors to noted waxing enthusiast Diddy and got back a thank-you note from his buttistant.
A Betty spokesperson adds that “Law & Order” brunette Mariska Hargitay, country singer Vince Gill, Jack Black and Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor also use the product.
For the record, I fancy myself a man-scaping enthusiast as well. Which is why my dude shrub comes complete with a gazebo, lawn gnome and barbecue pit. Also, cookout next Friday. BYOB. (There will be badminton.)
93% Frost/Nixon
Oscar®-winning director Ron Howard brings to the screen writer Peter Morgan’s (The Queen, The Last King of Scotland) electrifying battle between Richard Nixon, the disgraced president with a legacy to save, and David Frost, a jet-setting television personality with a name to make, in the untold story of the historic encounter that changed both: Frost/Nixon. Reprising their roles from Morgan’s stageplay are Frank Langella, who won a Tony for his portrayal of Nixon, and Michael Sheen, who fully inhabited the part of Frost onstage in London and New York.
Deja Cheeto
Brit Brit continued her overseas “Don’t Be A’Scared, Ahs On Mah Meds” tour by performing for Simon Cowell and his delectable manchichis on X-Factor last night. Our little sedated Cheetoling once again mouthed the hell out of “Woomanizah” and did her best impersonation of a possum trying to wiggle its way out of a bear trap. Basically, it was just like her two other performances. Although, I was a little disappointed for a couple of reasons. First, she didn’t wear that lil’ top hat. It made her mime-act so much more jauntier. Secondly, Brit didn’t do her perfect British accent! She worked on that sh*t all last year and now was her chance to wow the Brits by using their native tongue! Damn that Daddy Spears for forcing her to stay on the script!
Below is Brit Brit leaving X-Factor last night and at Heathrow this morning. She’s NYC bound! I better put on my “sexin’ outfit” and try to get close to her bodyguard. He probably has a key to her meds box and you know there’s some good sh*t in there.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Rex Smith - Teen pop idol, Solid Gold host and TV actor. Rex had a hit in the 70s with “You Take My Breath Away,” but didn’t have any hits after that. He went on to host Solid Gold and act in As the World Turns. After that sh*t, Rex starred in several musical theater productions on Broadway and beyond. Below is another picture of this hot bisney back in the day a couple of him now. Yeah, he needs to bring that feathered hair back.
Birthday Sluts
Stacey Q (50)
Chanel Iman (19)
Kaley Cuoco (23)
Omahyra Mota (24)
Elisha Cuthbert (26)
Clay Aiken (30)
Gael Garcia Bernal (30)
Mindy McCready (33)
Amy Ryan (39)
Des’ree (40)
Ben Stiller (43)
Bo Jackson (46)
Billy Idol (53)
Gordon Liu (53)
Shuggie Otis (55)
Mandy Patinkin (56)
June Chadwick (57)
David Mamet (61)
Terrence Malick (65)
Ridley Scott (71)
Dick Clark (79)
Robert Guillaume (81)
Plaxico Burress continues to win at life
New York Giants Super Bowl star Plaxico Burress is having an awesome season. The controversial receiver accidentally shot himself in the leg early Saturday morning after a concealed gun slipped out of his waistband at a Manhattan club, according to NY Daily News:
Burress, 31, who was sporting flashy jewelry and carrying loads of cash, told club management he needed the gun to protect himself, sources said.
The mercurial Giant was waved inside the crowded Latin-themed club on Lexington Ave. about midnight. He downed several drinks, making already jittery security guards more nervous about his weapon.
As Burress was being led into a VIP area, with a drink in his hand, the gun slipped down his pants leg. He reached for the weapon, but fumbled it and it went off, sources said. The bullet tore through Burress’ already injured right thigh, police said.
“[The bullet] went in and out. No bones,” Chief Michael Collins, a police spokesman, said.
Of course, discharging a loaded handgun in a club might, I dunno, get you f**king arrested. So with some quick thinking, Plaxico employed the help of Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce who stashed the gun in Jersey. Just like that episode of The Sopranos where Tony gets the paper in his boxers:
Panicking, Burress told his teammate not to call 911 for an ambulance, sources said.
Pierce helped the bloodied receiver out of the club before taking off with the gun and stashing it somewhere in New Jersey, sources said.
Burress was afraid to go to the hospital, but two hours after the shooting, at 2 a.m., his wife, Tiffany, and a friend escorted him to New York-Presbyterian Hospital Weill Cornell. He was treated and released at about 12:45 p.m., sources said.
But a hospital spokeswoman denied that Burress was ever there.
Cops only learned about the incident after Giants employees quietly reached out to the NYPD to report it, sources said.
Damn! Ratted out by your own team? That’s gotta sting. Probably not as much a bullet to your already-injured leg, but Jesus. Anyway, let this be a lesson to the kids out there: Always use a holster.
And that’s one to grow on…
No Fair!
In this Sunday’s “60 Minutes,” Mah Boo Anderson Cooper races against the dolphin god known as Michael Phelps and he does so in some baggy trunks. Baggy f**king trunks!
You really expect me to believe that Mah Boo covers his nalgas when he lays out on South Beach (protected by SPF: INFINITY, of course)? No. Mah Boo probably has a closet full of mankinis, elephant thongs and nut cutters. I feel robbed! I want my money back for watching the preview above! How the hell can I tell how long the Silver Fox’s tail is in those things!
You know that if he wore his lucky silvery speedos, he would’ve won that sh*t! His little butt cheeks would have worked harder if they were covered in glittery fabulousness and his toes would’ve twinkled faster. And notice how his shiny hair made out of angels’ tears never came out of place, even in the pool.
With all that being said, can somebody please grant me a Christmas wish and nab those trunks for me! Those trunks are begging me to turn them into my own personal crotch pillow. Beeeeggggging!
(Thanks Rebecca)