Paris Hilton needs a clear gel that’s strong enough for a man – but pH balanced for a woman

An Exclusive Behind the Scenes Look at Why You’re Staring at Paris’ Crusty Armpit:

Just after the Aubrey O’Day post, I’m sifting through photos that are available to me from various sources, and I come across a set of Heidi and Spencer pics which are stupid tempting on a day like today. But then I remembered, when it comes to these f**k-faces, I’ve already been like the boyfriend who promised he wouldn’t cheat on you again – then banged your sister. (Twice.) So instead, I found shots of Paris Hilton in the wee hours of the morning outside her hotel in London. I guess they don’t make clear stick deodorant across the pond, or she’s not allowed in drug stores for fear of contamination. Either way: You’re welcome!