Afternoon Crumbs
Don’t worry, Princess Zac is wearing waterproof mascara! – Just Jared
SamRo and HoHan take the subway! They’re just like normal people! - Lainey Gossip
God hates signs – Towleroad
Sophie Monk posing in some elevator - Hollywood Tuna
Olivia Munn talks about clown porn, among other things – Egotastic!
Manwhore Brody Jenner kissing on some chick (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Rachel Bilson’s dog is cuter than she is – Popsugar
Floating heads in Hollywood – Cityrag
Danielle Lloyd f**ked up her lips – IDLYITW
Snoop Dogg is stoned – Hollywood Rag
The CAPTION THIS Contest For October 30th!
Thanks Pamboy
Chloe Lattanzi Looks Different
Chloe Lattanzi, the star of my spring obsession “Rock the Cradle,” might have made a little visit to the Tupperware factory recently. Unless it’s totally natural for your chichis to hang out in your armpits. Maybe the beauty of Chloe’s face is too much for them to take so they are slowly making their way to her back, hoping she doesn’t notice. Keep creeping, chichis! You’ll make it there by the end of the week.
Even if Chloe did figure it out, it would take three rolls of duct tape, a few tubes of Gorilla Glue, two tractor pulls and a dozen clamps to get her tittays back together. They’re a pair of stubborn motherf**kers.
Here’s the Opera Princess of Darkness and her determined chichis at a charity event last night.
So Long, Estelle Reiner
Estelle Reiner has gone on to the great big Katz Deli in the sky at the age of 94. She pbutted away at her home in Beverly Hills of natural causes on Saturday.
Estelle, who was the mother of Rob and wife of Carl, is best known to all of us for saying the line, “I’ll have what she’s having,” in “When Harry Met Sally.”
Not only did she play an admirer of fake orgasms, but she was also a jazz singer, artist and the inspiration for Laura Petrie from the “Dick Van Dyke Show.“
Rest in peace, Estelle… I’ll have a fake orgasm in your honor today! Don’t look at me that way. It’s what she would have wanted!
Paris Hilton needs a clear gel that’s strong enough for a man – but pH balanced for a woman
An Exclusive Behind the Scenes Look at Why You’re Staring at Paris’ Crusty Armpit:
Just after the Aubrey O’Day post, I’m sifting through photos that are available to me from various sources, and I come across a set of Heidi and Spencer pics which are stupid tempting on a day like today. But then I remembered, when it comes to these f**k-faces, I’ve already been like the boyfriend who promised he wouldn’t cheat on you again – then banged your sister. (Twice.) So instead, I found shots of Paris Hilton in the wee hours of the morning outside her hotel in London. I guess they don’t make clear stick deodorant across the pond, or she’s not allowed in drug stores for fear of contamination. Either way: You’re welcome!
Aubrey O’Day doesn’t show enough chest
Former Danity Kane member Aubrey O’Day got drunk last night partying in West Hollywood and, Jesus, can you tell it’s the slowest news days known to man? Hilary Duff, Sophie Monk, Lance Bbutt and now Aubrey; where are the real celebrities hiding? Besides Barack Obama’s house – ’cause he’s a Commie! (Beat you to it.) But, seriously, somebody tell Britney Spears to eat one of her kids or something. I’ll be your best friend. 
Lance Bass motorboated Cloris Leachman (You just read that.)
Lance Bbutt, who I’ve never seen in an interview before today (Do you think he’s gay?), stopped by E!’s Chelsea Lately last night where he admitted to motorboating his Dancing with the Stars opponent Cloris Leachman. How does that even happen? Glad you asked:
LANCE: I’m not sure I’m feeling this whole homosexual thing anymore. CLORIS!
CLORIS: Yes, Lance.
LANCE: BRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPTTTTTT!
CLORIS: Ready for the man-gina again now, dearie?
LANCE: Hell yeeeeah!
CLORIS: It’s nice to feel useful. Cookie?
Video after the jump.
Joe The Plumber Wants To Be A Country Star
Samuel the Unlicensed Plumber aka Joe the Plumber is looking to extend his 15-seconds and he’s hired three managers to help him with his “brand.” One of his new PR whores said, “He’s had a deluge of requests. Right now we’re just planning on getting him through the week. There’s going to be life far beyond the election for Joe the Plumber.“
The spokeswhore went on babble that Joe would really love to get into country music, “Joe is a hard-core country music fan, and he can carry a tune.” f**k. You know he thinks that if Jessica Simpson can do it, so can he. A big-tittied frog/Joe the Plumber duet is inevitable. Papa Joe should be tried and jailed for this sh*t.
TMZ says that Joe the Plumber’s “people” also think he could get some endorsement deals with Home Depot and become the “the voice of Middle America.” HOME DEPOT?! That’s Rojo Caliente’s turf and he better not trespbutt or he’ll get burned.
Ugh. Why can’t Joe the Plumber be more like that Joe Sixpack dude. Joe Sixpack is modest and doesn’t crave the spotlight. He just stays in his basement, doing crunches and drinking Natty Light. You don’t see him trying to put out a country album. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if a Joe Sixpack/Joe the Plumber sex tape accidentally leaked.
Someone Is Actually Marrying Corey Haim
Corey Haim is engaged to something other than an 8-ball. Corey announced on his website that he’s going to marry horror actress Tiffany Shepis on May 9, 2009. The two lovebirds first met 12 years on the set of “Fever Lake.” They reunited recently at some autograph show.
If you’re interested in sending the happy couple a gift, they’re registered with Corey’s dealer.
Hopefully, Corey Feldman will stop the wedding and whisk Corey Haim away. Those two really belong together. They know it and we know it. If Corey Haim does go through with the wedding, I’m sure an annulment will be filed as soon as the wedding “party favors” wear off.
VIA SOW
Halloween Comes Early For Jacko And His Kids
I’m not making a dumb joke (surprisingly). It really did come early!
Jacko and his kids went trick-or-treating in Hollywood last night. That’s what they paps claim anyway. They probably celebrate two days early, because the actual day is amateur night to zombies and other ghouls.
I’m really not sure what everyone’s costume is, because they pretty much look like this every time they go out. Jacko could have at least dropped a few more coins for better masks. You can get that sh*t at Walgreens. And honestly, he should be the one wearing the mask instead of his kids.