Richard Gere (59)
Jeff Hardy (31)
Sara Ramirez (33)
Chris Tucker (36)
Debbie Gibson (38)
Queen Rania of Jordan (38)
Gina Schock (51)
Julie Brown (54)
Marcia Clark (55)
Van Morrison (63)

First things first, that man in the left corner is watching you! He sees you, so you better not do anything shifty. Okay, we’ve all been warned.

Halle Berry never whored out her baby on the cover of any magazines. Imagine that! A celebrity not making a quick buck off their kid. She also didn’t release any pictures of Lion King Baby aka Nahla Ariela, so this is the first time I’ve really seen her. You know how I feel about BABIES!!! They give me the shakes, because I know they are soon going to be our world leaders. But Nahla is pretty adorable. Her eyes are like two little stars sparkling in the ocean’s reflection. I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. No, I’m not high.

Here’s Halle, Baby Nahla, a bodyguard-type person and Mia Michaels at the L.A. Zoo today. No! That’s not Mia Michaels. It’s Halle’s mother. I seriously thought for a minute that Halle’s mommy was everyone’s favorite deep-thinking gayelle dance choreographer. I thought to myself, “Damn. Halle is going the gayelle way. I mean, it is the way to go.“

The organizers of the Rock En Seine in Paris booked the infamous Crackie of Camden for their festival and seemed to think she was going to show up. HA! Cue the cackle track. Well, Amy Wino cancelled two hours before she was supposed to take the stage and shake her heroin maker for the crowd. Hey, at least she called!

The event’s organizers are f**king pissed and threatening to sue her butt. They issued this statement: “We were told by Winehouse’s agent at 8pm that she would not be there, and we were forced to cancel the performance. We have still not been given any explanation of the exact reasons for her absence.”

Wino’s spokeswhore told the Daily Mail that she was too sick to perform. “Amy Winehouse is currently at home recovering. The illness is nothing serious, nothing that some time in bed and not singing won’t cure.“

Yeah, I’m sure she just had a bad case of crackiellitis. Screaming “Blaaaaaaake” all the time in between puffs can really f**k up a beautiful hummingbird’s voice.

Chad Johnson, wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals, has legally changed his last name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. Chad gave himself the nickname of “Ocho Cinco” two years ago in honor of Hispanic Heritage Month. 85 is also his number. Ocho Cinco means 8-5 in Spanish. Duh.

Not everyone is down with the name Ochoc Cinco. One time before a game, Chad put his nickname on the back of his uniform. The team’s quarterback tore that sh*t down. Damn. What did Chat put it on with? Elmer’s? The team’s coach has also referred to Chad as “Ocho Psycho.”

When asked about why he legally changed his name, Ocho said, “It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before. Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do? I’m having fun.”

I’m sure the numbers 8-5 mean a lot more to Ocho than we think. 8 is his IQ. 5-inches is the size of his dick fully erect. 85 is also the number of times he was dropped on his head as a child. See!

Although, I shouldn’t hate on Ocho. Chad Ocho Cinco sounds much sexier than Chad Johnson. I should change my name to Michael Seis Nueve. It has a nice ring to it. Is the official name changing office open on Saturdays?

Source

Thanks Isabelle

Tyson Beckford has a body built for f**key times and a pubey bush built for a petting zoo. Seriously! While slobbering over these pictures of Tyson at some party in Australia last night, I didn’t expect to see an extra large deep dish fur pie! I thought models regularly tended to their bushes. And his furburger looks so soft! Soft and silky. It looks like Spaghetti Cat (see below) is sitting in his lap.

I don’t even need to state the obvious. Of course I’d “you know what” it. That bisney is a hot piece. I don’t give an eff if it would be like sucking on a furball. It would be like cashmere on my tongue. I got the “pull the pubic hair out of my mouth” move down pat.

Below are some uncensored pictures of Tyson’s mega bush. It’s possibly a little NSFWey.

Last night, Spaghetti Cat returned to the place that made him an Internet superstar sensation, “The Soup.” Okay, it wasn’t the actual Spaghetti Cat. It was some stuffed animal with beady marble eyes, but if you hug yourself hard enough while watching the clip, you will believe it’s the real Spaghetti Cat.

I am so obsessed with Spaghetti Cat that I tried to get my dumb bisney of a dog to eat with a fork, but he bit my hand instead. He doesn’t have the skills (or Ketamine) that Spaghetti Cat has!

Spaghetti Cat still doesn’t get enough attention! He should host the presidential debate! Naw. Maybe that’s not such a good idea. Dubya would probably show up to try and kiss Spaghetti Cat and steal some of his noodles. Only Joel McHale can kiss Spaghetti Cat.

Spaghetti Cat will dance on a plate of naked spaghetti noodles in my dreams tonight.