Brit Brit Is Done With Osama
Brit Brit’s lawyer bisney said that there’s no need to extend the restraining order against Osama Lutfi because she wants nothing to do with him anyway. Osama got moded!
Her lawyer said, “Britney has made clear to everyone that she does not want to be further harbutted or contacted in any way by Osama ‘Sam’ Lutfi, now or at anytime in the future.”
When Daddy Spears became the head bisney in charge of Brit Brit’s sh*t last February, he got a restraining order against Osama.
Osama issued his own full of sh*t statement, “Mr. Lutfi and Mr. Spears have mutually agreed in private that no hearing or order is necessary at this time.” He might as well have said, “She didn’t break up with me! I broke up with her! OK?! Please have her call me. I miss her.”
This means that Osama will have to find another bisney to mooch off of. Miley Cyrus, he’s coming for you….
In other Cheeto news, Brit Brit’s conservatorship will most likely be extended until at least the fall. Daddy Spears’ reign expires today, but the court will review the case this afternoon. Brit Brit will only regain control of her life if she can prove to the court that she’s not crazy anymore.
It sounds like things are moving along nicely. Daddy Spears is still in charge and Osama is gone forever. Now if the court will just grant a conservator for her busted weave, we’ll be all set!
No, No, And No
“The Dark Knight” is the biggest movie in the history of cinema, so it’s no surprise that there’s already talk about a third Batman movie. Three names have already come up as possible villains for the third movie which doesn’t have a title yet. They should just call it “You’re Going To See This sh*t No Matter What We Call It.“
MTV UK reports that Johnny Depp, Saint Angelina and Phillip Seymour Hoffman are rumored to play The Riddler, Catwoman and The Penguin. Boooooring! You might think this is perfect casting, but I disagree. The producers need to give other hos a chance! This movie (if it happens) will make mountains of cash with or without big names.
Here is my plea to the producers:
International Supermodel - Phoebe Price IS The Riddler
The Empress of Lucite - Shauna Sand IS Catwoman
The Sexiest Gayelle in the World - Rojo Caliente IS The Penguin
Too perfect for f**king words. Amy Wino can film a cameo as Poison Ivy. They can change her name to Crackie Ivy. No costume or make-up required.
MK On The Left, Ash On The Right
Am I Right? I can only tell them apart because MK Olsen’s eyes always look like they’ve just been doused with wet cocaine. Anytroll, here are the two covers for the Trollsen’s new coffee table book “Influences.” I shouldn’t say “coffee table book.” We’re talking about the Olsens. I’ll say “coke cutting table book” instead.
The book is out October 18th and will be filled with pictures and interviews with a bunch of dumb whores who have shaped their lives. I’m thinking it will be filled with pictures of various bridges, tree trunks, unicorns and an interview with the makers of Shrinky Dinks. Seriously, I’m convinced these trolls are really Shrinky Dinks.
Source: ONTD
Suck On This!
The month of July is all about mammals getting together, sucking chichis and drinking milk. First there was the pussy and the red panda. Now here’s the golden retriever and the tiger cubs. See! Pussies and doggies can get along.
The tiger cubs were born Sunday at a zoo in Kansas, but their skank of a mommy immediately turned her slutty back on her own pussies. This is what happened to the baby red panda too! This is what Brit Brit’s influence has done! Animals everywhere think they pop out a bunch of kids and then go and live the high life. Stupid sluts.
Of course, the tiger cubs were hungry, so Isabella the dog stepped in to help. She had just weaned her own puppies, so she had the milk to give. Some important ho who works at the zoo told AP, “The timing couldn’t have been any better.” He went on to say that Isabella not only feeds them, but she also cleans and cuddles them.
Click here to see the video of the lazy tiger mommy acting like a shameless whore while Isabella takes care of her kids! Shame on that big pussy!
Morning Wood
Who should be dick slapped for wearing these fugly boots from hell? - A Socialite’s Life
This thing totally crawled out of Paris Hilton’s vagina - Gawker
TMI: Whoopi Goldberg has f**ked around 50 people - Celebisneyy
Broken sh*t from Shia LaDouche’s car accident is already on eBay - ICYDK
Tori the Hutt is terrorizing Manhattan! - I’m Not Obsessed
Mr. Boston talks butt sex - Vh1 Blog
f**k you too, John Mayer! - Pink is the New Blog
A-Rod Fights Back
C-Rod filed for divorce from A-Rod earlier this month and asked for a bunch of sh*t including their $12 million Florida home and a big piece of all the cash he made while they were married. C-Rod said A-Rod “emotionally abandoned his wife and children” and their marriage ended because of his “extramarital affairs and other marital misconduct.” C-Rod didn’t name names in divorce papers, but later said she believed he was having an “affair of the heart” with Vadge.
A-Rod is fighting back. In papers that will be filed today in Miami, A-Rod wants their prenup enforced and for her cheating claims to be removed from the record. Florida is a no-fault divorce state, so A-Rod doesn’t have to say why their marriage crashed and burned. According to the NYDN, The papers claim C-Rod and her lawyer agreed to the prenup a month before their wedding.
A-Rod is ready to go to court if C-Rod fights him. He also said that he “has been paying, and will continue to pay … reasonable and bona fide expenses” for their two daughters.
f**k! C-Rod did not do her research before getting married. Note to myself: If I’m ever allowed to get married in Florida, DON’T! Another note to myself: Research NO-FAULT states before getting married. Third note to myself: Eat prenup before wedding.
I have a feeling that C-Rod is going to fight dirty. I can’t wait for the sh*t she’s going to pull out of her muscled up butthole. Escandalo!
You Gotta Start Somewhere
First of all, there’s that choker again….. That thing makes me want to vomit poop, which is totally possible, but we’ll save that story for another day. Or not. So! White Oprah is apparently livid after finding out that her 14-year-old (going on 45-year-old) daughter unwittingly auditioned for a well-known porn director.
On Sunday night’s episode of the caca fiesta known as “Living Lohan,” Ali gave a sh*t butt audition for the movie “Troll.” One of the dudes she read for was Peter Davy, an award-winning porn director. TMZ reports that he’s directed such porn hits as “Breast Wishes 14,” “Bun Busters 12” and “Voodoo Lust.” Ooooh, that last one sounds like a real hand jerker.
White Oprah claims she had no idea about Peter’s past. Her rep (probably Nana Lohan) told UsWeekly, “Ali obviously had no idea about Davy’s past. If she did know, she never would have auditioned for him.” You see how the rep said ALI had no idea. I mean, you know White Oprah knew what was going on. bisney probably worked with him once.
Even though Ali’s audition made my TV turn off, she still got the role. Seriously, my TV really turned off while I was watching it. Ali only got the role because White Oprah sat on Peter’s face and agreed to star in “Bun Busters 13.”
Britney Spears wants Sam Lutfi to stay the hell away
Hey, remember this guy? Sam Lutfi a.k.a. Douchebeard McDrugYourDrinks. Well, it turns out the restraining order requiring him to stay 250 yards away from Britney Spears expires today. The order will not be renewed, but Britney’s lawyer issued the following public statement to Douchebeard letting him know what the f**k’s up. The AP reports:
“Britney has made clear to everyone that she does not want to be further harbutted or contacted in any way by Osama ‘Sam’ Lutfi, now or at anytime in the future,” Spears’ attorney Samuel D. Ingham III said in a statement to The buttociated Press.
“During the temporary conservatorship, the conservators have the power to insure that Lutfi will not harm Britney anymore. If Mr. Lutfi makes any future attempt to contact Britney after the temporary conservatorship has concluded, Britney has made clear she will take all appropriate legal action.”
Did Britney really make it clear she’ll “take all appropriate legal action”? I doubt she knows what one of those words even mean. Here’s a more likely scenario: “If Mr. Lutfi attempts to contact Britney, Britney will take actions including, but not limited to, sticking a bucket of KFC over her head then running into a wall. Britney also reserves the right to say ‘Whoop whoop whoop whoop!’ prior to impact.”
A-Rod to Cynthia Rodriguez: Remember that prenup you signed…
New York Yankee Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez’s lawyers responded to Cynthia Rodriguez’s divorce petition today. Cynthia was asking for “the couple’s $12 million waterfront estate and ‘equitable distribution’ of all buttets acquired during the marriage.” Except she signed a prenup which A-Rod is sticking to. He’s also pushing to have allegations of extramarital affairs stricken from the record because Florida is a no-fault divorce state making the claims “immaterial and impertinent.” Also, he doesn’t want it legally documented that he banged Madonna. NY Daily News reports:
Rodriguez, whose 10-year, $275 million contract with the Yankees makes him baseball’s highest-paid player, says several times in the response he wants the prenup enforced.
“Husband denies any duty to support wife beyond those obligations specifically set out in the parties’ prenuptial agreement,” the papers say. What those terms are wasn’t immediately known, but apparently they don’t suit Cynthia. If he has to go to court to fight her challenge to the prenup and wins, he says he’s entitled to recover from his wife any “reasonable attorney’s fees and costs” he incurs.
It sounds like A-Rod doesn’t f**k around. Not counting all those strippers and the Crypt Keeper.
Jessica Alba indicates the turkey has reached its proper temperature
Here’s Jessica Alba out and about yesterday rocking a chest that says “Yes, I did recently squeeze a tiny person out of my pelvis. Thank you for asking.” Which, honestly, almost made me consider Jessica Alba a captivating individual. Keyword being: Almost.
