The CAPTION THIS Contest For May 30th!
P.S. - I’ve done run out of caption pics! If you’ve got a good one, send it here!
False Alarm!
This is a continuation to this and this post. Let’s try and get the Brangie related posts up to 20 today! If this happens, the sky will suck us in, ending our misery once and for all. So….that woman who is knocked up with twins didn’t give birth this week after all. Well, that’s if you believe her spokeswhore.
They told People, “Angelina has not given birth. She is fine, enjoying her home and her family in France.”
In case you were doing something better (anything is better) and missed the rumors, Angie supposedly popped out Jesus and Buddha in France earlier this week. The rumor was that she named them Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane. This is not true. I think. Ugh. I don’t know who to believe?
Maddox! Tell me what to think. I need your guidance. It was probably Maddox that tricked the press in the first place. He blamed it on Shiloh.
50 Cent's House Burns Down
One of 50 Cent’s homes in Dix Hills, New York went up in flames early this morning and was completely destroyed. It’s not right, but now I’ve got “Burning Down the House” in my head and it won’t get out. 50’s 10-year-old son, Marquise, and his ex-girlfriend, Shaniqua Tompkins were sent to the hospital for smoke inhalation along with 4 other people. They were treated and released.
The Fire Department Chief doesn’t think the fire was accident. I bet the chief has a bushy moustache. They all do. He said that arson investigators were called in and there are currently no suspects.
The house has a dramatic history. Last month, 50 tried to throw out Shaniqua and his son from the home. He told her ass to pay him $4,500 in rent or she had to get the fuck out. Shaniqua filed a lawsuit claiming 50 promised to put the $1.4 million house in her name.
TMZ has a video of Shaniqua and 50 screaming at each other on the streets of Manhattan yesterday. I’ve been to the Baskin Robbins’ they are fighting in front of! They should have gone in and shared a cup of Jamoca Almond Fudge.
The fight occurred shortly after the two were being deposed at Shaniqua’s lawyer offices. During the depo, one of 50’s friends went crazy and started trashing the lawyer’s offices. A police report was filed.
50’s spokesbitch issued this statement to TMZ: “Informed this morning while filming a new motion picture on location in Louisiana, Curtis Jackson expressed deep concern over this fire at his property. He is extremely thankful that everyone including his son, Marquise, escaped the burning house safely. He is confident that authorities will be conducting a thorough investigation of the incident and is eager to review their findings.”
Damn….this shit is going to get interesting. I think it’s also time to put the batteries back into my smoke detector.
I'll Be Watching You
Go check your closet right now because there could be a ho living in there and you don’t even know it!
A 57-year-old dude in Japan knew something in the milk wasn’t clean when food started disappearing from his kitchen. He decided to figure out what the hell was going on by installing video cameras in the home where he lived alone.
The video cameras caught someone walking around when he wasn’t around. The man immediately called the po po. They searched his home and found a 58-year-old woman living in one of his closets. The police said the woman got a mattress and a couple of plastic bottles into the tiny space. I’m guessing the plastic bottles were for pee pee times.
The woman was arrested. She told police she had nowhere else to live. The po po think she lived there for about a year, but not for the whole time. They think she was closet-hopping from joint to joint.
This is my ultimate nightmare come true! This is some Grudge shit!
Wait, maybe there’s some creepy bitch living in my apartment and I don’t know it. A whole box of Oreos seems to go missing around 11pm every night…. It’s the closet witch! By “closet witch” I mean my stomach. That sneaky mofo.
Thanks Shy
The Messiahs Are Here…..Maybe
Here we go again….. ETonline is confirming the rumors that Brangelina’s golden twins have landed on earth from the heavens. Now, their confirmation came from a “source” close to Brangie and there’s been no official confirmation. You know the source is Jennifer Aniston. She’s effing with them. Jen is going to tell everyone Brangie named the babies, Home and Wrecker.
Anyway, I haven’t seen a flock of white doves cover the sky yet, so stay tuned….or don’t stay tuned and go eat a stuffed pizza instead. Mmmm….stuffed pizza.
Image Source: Kate Kretz
Robbed!
Forbes Magazine has put out a list of the “20 Hottest Young Royals” in the world. You know, because the oldie olsens at Forbes really know what’s hot and sexy. The mag only considered unmarried royals under the age of 35. Guess who was number 1? Nope, not Princess Buggy Eyes. Nope, not Prince Hot Ginge either. Prince Willy was number 1! RECOUNT! Prince Willy should have been number 19 and his bald spot should have been number 20.
The list should have looked like this:
1: Prince Hot Ginge!
2: Princess Bea
3. Clay Gayken (he is the biggest queen in the world)
Here’s how Forbes’ Top 10 looked:
1. Prince William (Britain)
2. Prince Harry (Britain)
3. Zara Phillips (Britain)
4. Princess Beatrice (Britain)
5. Charlotte Casiraghi (Monaco)
6. Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum (Dubai)
7. Princess Victoria (Sweden)
8. Prince Azim (Brunei)
9. Prince Carl Philip (Sweden)
10. Andrea Casiraghi (Monaco)
Visit CNN to see the rest of the list.
Thanks JenRo
Grab Your Shank
Take off your earrings, put on your heavy rings, hide razors in your hair and grab your shank! Chicken Cutlets needs our help.
Last night, the International supermodel and Queen of Cannes was denied entry to the opening of a Howard Johnson in Rockford, Illinois. NO! It was the opening of a Chanel store on Robertson Blvd. in Los Angeles. Yes, she was denied. DEE-NIED! I’m surprised PP even knew what they were saying. I doubt she’s ever heard that word before. How fucking dare they! The audacity! Robertson is PP’s stroll. Those dumb ass whores need to recognize.
PP showed the paps the e-mail she made up herself she received from Chanel’s PR whores. You need to read this e-mail. It’s amazing. It lists all of PP’s accomplishments on one page. That shit should be like 600-pages. Shit, it should be a couple of volumes. PP’s resume is neverending!
She also posed in front of the D&G store instead. She really showed those bitches!
BOYCOTT Chanel! You won’t ever see me buying a $10,000 bag from Chanel. You wouldn’t see me buying one anyway, but at least I have a reason now.
Hot Hair
I totally freaked out when I first saw this movie still of Bradley Pitt. It was probably the 10 cups of coffee I had this morning, but it could have also been that I thought it was a still from “Cool World.” Remember that mess of a movie? Young Brad Pitt with sexy hair and Kim Basinger as a cartoon slut. They don’t make shit like that anymore. Brad needs to keep the Vanilla Ice ‘do. It makes him look younger.
Anyway, below is the trailer for another one of Brad’s new movies. He has at least 10,000 movies coming out this year alone. This one is for The Coen Brother’s “Burn After Reading.” It stars George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand and yo mama. Everyone else is in it, so I’m sure yo mama has some sort of role in it.
Thanks Maritza
50 Cent's ex says house fire was murder attempt
A house that’s in the center of a court battle between 50 Cent and Shaniqua Tompkins, the mother of his son Marquise, suspiciously went up in flames early this morning. Shaniqua is saying the fire was attempted murder and she distinctly heard someone in the house before the fire, according to TMZ:
The lawyer for 50 Cent’s baby mama, Shaniqua Tompkins, tells TMZ that she heard “someone” come into the house this morning at 4 AM, shortly before the fire broke out around a hour later.
Paul Catsandonis, Shaniqua’s lawyer, tells us that his client is “traumatized” by the fire and that the kids are similarly in total shock. Six people, including Tompkins and their 10-year-old son Marquise, were in the house. They all were transported to the hospital and treated for smoke inhalation.
The house was allegedly promised to Shaniqua by 50 until he decided to put her and his son Marquise on the street. The AP reports:
Tompkins filed a lawsuit against 50 earlier this year claiming he had promised her a house more than a decade ago, but that since their breakup, he now wants to evict her and their 10-year-old son from the home.
Tompkins’ lawyer, Paul Catsandonis, told The Associated Press in a telephone interview that the dispute over the house had become “extremely, extremely contentious” in recent days. Although he declined to be specific, he said there was an “extremely dangerous incident” Monday in his Manhattan office while taking a deposition for the lawsuit.
And by “extremely dangerous incident,” Shaniqua’s lawyer meant 50 yelled “Bitch, I’ll burn that house down with you in it at exactly 4 A.M. Friday May 30, 2008. But first, you’ll hear someone break in and shit and you’ll be all, ‘Aw no, what’s happenin’?’ And it’ll be me burning down this particular house in the middle of our highly publicized court battle. But ain’t no one’s gonna know it was me! Ha! In da house. 50 out. The fucks’ the elevator. I hate stairs!”
PEABODY AWARD WINNING POST FOR MOST ACCURATE TRANSCRIPTION OF LEGALESE: THE SUPERFICIAL
Katie Holmes is beyond gone
These are images of Katie Holmes as she moved to New York City this week to prepare for her role in the Broadway production of All My Sons. And looking into those eyes, I’ve now seen the depths of crazy. Dammit, she used to be hot! Tom Cruise has gone way, way too far. Someone’s gotta do something about this and I’m looking at you, Beckhams. One of you, David, needs to take one for the team while the other, Victoria, spirits Katie to safety. The double meaning of taking “one for the team” goes without saying because it’s butt sex with Tom Cruise.
UPDATE: I just received the following e-mail from Tom Cruise. Presented here in it’s entirety:
Yeah, all that stuff. The team stuff. Make that stuff happen. I’ll pay you in Tom Cruise dollars. When Xenu is defeated in an intergalactic chariot race by yours truly, my money will be worth money! No foolin’.
Heil me!
T.C.p.s. I’m smiling right now - Tom Cruise style! (That’s T.C. talk for “pants-free.” He he, I’m naughty!)”
My job is so friggin’ weird…
