Yup Skeletor, She Is Wearing That Much Make-Up
JLo is wearing so much fucking make-up that her face has become one huge mirror. Hopefully, Skeletor can see his reflection in her mug and realize that he needs to eat more greens and stop feasting on the flesh of virgins. Actually, he should eat some of that make-up off her face. I’m sure there’s a little protein in there.
Here’s JLo and Skeletor at the premiere of “Shine A Light” in NYC last night. JLo took the invitation literally and turned her face into a giant spotlight. You can probably see her face from space.
Still No Money Shot
Yesterday, I posted some pictures of Paris Hilton holding her dick mouth after falling down and eating shit in Prague. I prayed to anybody who would listen for video of this glorious moment. A bunch of you sent me the video below that unfortunately doesn’t include the money shot. It just shows the before and after. It does however feature a totally douchey speech from Benji Madden.
The bruise isn’t even that bad! She’s had bigger bruises on her face from being dick slapped. So disappointing. I’m going to have to add a little cognac to my morning coffee to ease the pain.
Wino's Dark Music
Even though Amy Wino’s face is falling off the bone, she’s still managing to get into the studio to make new music. Wino is once again working with Mark Ronson and she’s been playing some of her new jingles for friends. They are worried, because they say her music has become “darker.” They have described it as “suicidal music,” because the lyrics are so intense and bleak.
Suicide music?! Can you say….GRAMMY!?
A source told The Sun, “Her next album is darker than ever. Amy’s got low self-esteem anyway but her skin has made her want to hide away from the rest of the world. And we have started noticing more and more cuts on her arms. Her problems are pushing her over the edge and she’s turning into a depressed recluse. It’s not good for her to stay in so much.” Wino obviously doesn’t want to hide away, because the bitch is always out and about buying sweet popsicles or whatever the hell she eats.
Friends also say that Wino has been purposely missing her visit with Blaaaake in the chokey, because she doesn’t want to see him. Um….naw. She’s missing her visits, because the crack smoke covers up the clock and she forgets what time it is.
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For March 28th!
It’s a TIE!
What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but what happens at TGIFridays gets texted all over internet. Learn a lesson, ladies……. - circular politics
Next time nana offers to open your beer, just say no. - DeeDee
Runners-up:
“Well I promised my AA sponsor no booze would touch my lips, I had to think of something real fast.” - Zomay
It’s not what it looks like. She’s just trying to coax a construction worker out of there. - Sweetas
Click here to see the NSFW version of this pic
Thanks James
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Nicole Parker from MADtv
Click here to see some of her skits
For Andres
Birthday Sluts
Christopher Walken (65)
Ewan McGregor (37)
Tony Cox (50)
Angus Young (53)
Al Gore (60)
Rhea Perlman (60)
Gabe Kaplan (63)
Richard Chamberlain (74)
Shirley Jones (74)
Kevin Federline still loves Britney
Kevin Federline still has feelings for his vagina-flashing ex-wife Britney Spears. Could there be a reunion in the works? And, God help us all, another offspring down the line? Showbiz Spy reports:
“I still love Britney. She’s the mother of my children,†Federline, 30, said.
And Jamie Spears — Britney’s dad — is even reportedly encouraging the pair to reunite.
Ack! Britney’s dad is trying to make this happen?! WTGDF?! Seriously, if these two get back together you know she’s popping out another kid then going off the deep end. And I was really starting to like how things are now. You know, where I hardly ever see her face anymore. Do you know how hard it is to constantly type Frappucino? I had to hire midgets to move my fingers. True story.
Rikki Rockett arrested for rape
Rikki Rockett, drummer for Poison, was arrested on rape charges for an incident that occurred in September at the Silver Star Casino in Mississippi. Rikki is out of jail and awaiting a district attorney’s decision to see if the case will go before a grand jury. The AP reports:
“The subject, Rikki Rockett, forcibly had sex with an adult in one of the hotel rooms,” according to a complaint.
Sciple said the woman contacted authorities several days after the alleged attack. He did not discuss details of the case, but said his office believed the woman’s complaint warranted review by the district attorney.
Did Rikki do it? Oh yeah. I mean, look at the guy. Not exactly a pussy magnet. Also he’s the drummer for Poison. He’d have better luck saying he still lives with his parents. It works for me. Okay, not really but, one day it will. As soon as my mom stops making me wear my retainer to the bar. I got a beer can stuck in it the other day for crying out loud. The ladies don’t want to make out with a face full of Beast Ice. No matter how much chapstick you cover it up with. (Read: two tubes.)
Prom Night
DonnaÂ’s senior prom is supposed to be the best night of her life. After surviving a horrible tragedy, she has finally moved on and is enjoying her last year of high school.
67% Four Letter Word
When Luke enters the gay bar flanked by his sidekicks, he doesn’t know that he is about to meet his match-in hot macho man Stephen.