Boooooring!
People Magazine has confirmed that JLo and Skeletor have named their twins Max and Emme. JLo’s manager confirmed to the magazine. I am truly disappointed with JLo. I was expecting her of all people to give me some tacky glamour! Max and Emme? That shit sounds like a discount shoe line they sell at Foley’s. I mean a few of you even pointed out to me that Max and Emmy are the names of the brother and sister in the cartoon “Dragon Tales.” You know that’s where they got the names from, because Skeletor definitely watches that shit. He can probably relate to Ord the dragon.
Anyway, People Magazine wrote, “The new parents welcomed their son and daughter on February 22nd Emme was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and Max followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs.”
Max and Emme?! UGH! I still can’t get over it. Bitch is trying to be all refined and conservative. JLo, I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for this. I was counting on you! Hopefully, she’ll redeem her shit with their middle names.
Thanks Jules
Those Studs Weigh More Than Her
Mary-Kate Olsen definitely tells her stylist to buy her the ugliest shit they can find. She hands them her black AMEX card and sends them to the dumpster. This troll is looking like Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock more and more every day. They even have the same glasses. She will put on anything. The uglier the better.
I hope she has a tight grip on her escort, because the minute she lets go she’s going down. There’s no way she can carry the weight of those studs.
With all that being said, she’s all sorts of trashy glamour. Iron Man would be proud. Iron Troll!
Lit
Tara Reid is most likely not even drunk in these pictures. Her face just always has that drunk look. It’s probably years and years of being a drunk whore that her face just kind of molds that way every now and again. I love that she’s wearing such a lady-like CZ necklace. I know where that ended up by the end of the night. Anal beads!
Speaking of lit, here’s Kelly Osbourne in London last night. Now that she’s a skinny bitch, she can’t hold her booze. Oh the life of a no-talent celebrity! Up all night, sleep all day! That’s right….ahhhhhhh….Sorry, I have that Slaughter song in my head.
Scarlett Johannson will date you for charity (Pity sex not included)
Scarlett Johannson could be yours for an entire evening. Provided you have a buttload of cash and win a charity auction on eBay. Scarlett goes up for bidding on Sunday, so start digging in those couch cushions. You’ll get a chance to help the needy and possibly see some ScarJo cleavage. It reminds me of that passage in the Bible about caring for others: “And so Jesus said to Thomas, ‘Dude, I totally need to touch that chick at the well’s cones. Go get me a blind dude to heal. STAT. For real, that move is guaranteed to get me to No-Pants-rusalem.’ And Thomas did as the Lord commandeth thus securing his heavenly position of righteous wing-man.” 2 Superficialonians 5:19 (KJV).
Britney Can't Be Bothered With A Stupid Little Thing Called Rent
TMZ reports that Brit Brit was almost evicted from her Malibu mansion, because she forgot to pay rent this month. Brit’s landlord, Love Shack Trust, wanted to kick her ass out after she was 2-weeks late on her $35,000-a-month rent. They added a $2,100 late fee which was not paid. Two weeks? Damn, they are strict. What the hell is Britney doing renting a house. Homegirl needs to call up Suzanne Whang, get on Househunters and buy a joint. Renting is for foolios, like myself.
Sources blame Brit’s finance handlers, but everything has now been paid and she’s not getting evicted. Britney can’t be bothered with petty things like paying rent. It was probably Sam’s job, but he was too busy crushing sleeping pills into her Fanta shakes.
I think Britney has the hottest landlord name ever. Love Shack Trust?! If that was my landlord’s name, I would be on time with rent every month, because I would actually look forward to writing their stupid name on a check.
Here’s some pics of Britney leaving dance practice yesterday. She kept covering her stomach and she looked to be wearing an engagement ring. She’s engaged alright. Engaged to attention and pregnant with its child.
The Aliens Have Gotten To Jeff Conaway!
Jeff Conaway of “Celebrity Rehab” claims he’s finally kicked drugs. Jeff told Inside Edition that John Travolta and Scientology have helped him. What would Dr. Drew say?
He said, “I’ve been doing Scientology…My doctor was like holy cow, he says whatever you’ve been doing keep doing it because it’s really working. John and I stayed friends but he couldn’t watch me going down the tubes…He gave me a whole library of Scientology books and he’s given me an auditor who comes almost every day.â€
They got another one! I don’t know what worse, being a crackhead or being a Scientologist? I have to think about that one. I think that daily auditor is slowing draining Jeff’s blood and replacing it with alien blood. Jeff will be screaming about psychiatry, spraying his head with canned hair and running around with robot women in no time.
It’s sound like he’s already on the right crazy track. Jeff also said, “I’m going to be strong and healthy and totally together. I’ve got to get ready for my Academy Award.†Spoken like a true Scientologist! Delusional. Good work John.
What Are Their Names Already!?
Star Magazine stand by their claim that JLo and Skeletor have named their babies Max and Emme. Other magazines now claim the twins have been named Maximiano and Emelina. Apparently, hospital employees overheard JLo and her family calling the babies that.
People reports that the couple have not confirmed their names yet. It’s probably part of their $6 million deal to release their names with the pictures. Baby making has become such a lucrative business. People also reports that JLo has been getting tons of gifts with their names’ embroidered on them. Well, someone had to have done the embroidering! Spill the fucking frijoles. I must know.
I hope Maximiano and Emelina are just their middle names. JLo needs to give me some drama! Escandalo Emelina Lopez for their girl and Chewey Maximiano Lopez for their boy. You know they aren’t going to have Skeletor’s last name.
Thanks Ashbey
Larry King Needs To Stay Behind The Desk
The producer who came up with this segment needs to be dick slapped hard. Janet Jackson tried to teach Larry King how to dance last night on his show. At first I thought I was watching Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video, because Larry looks like a dancing zombie. Actually, he’s not doing much dancing, but he’s doing a lot of awkward posing.
Janet keeps telling him to “hug himself.” Janet, he can’t! If he does his arm will pop right off. Shit, this is painful.
Nicky Hilton Is Skinny
These pictures of Nicky Hilton out shopping yesterday has everyonehorrified at how “extremely skinny” she looks. You would look like that too if you had to look at Paris and Kathy Hilton’s skank faces every day. Nicky just needs to get away from Paris and Kathy, so she gets her appetite back.
Afternoon Crumbs
We get it Drew! You’re in love. Now stop with the photo-ops! - A Socialite’s Life
Natalie Portman sexes up Letterman - Cityrag
JLo paid $1 million to give birth - Hollywood Rag
Benji Madden gave this up for Paris Hilton? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Brace yourself for more JLove pregnancy rumors - Hollywood Tuna
Can a dude really be straight if he gets paid to fuck men? - Jezebel
Bijou Phillips shows the crack - Egotastic!
Hollywood stars get political - IDLYITW
Kate Bosworth and her hot boyfriend tour New Zealand - Just Jared
What’s new? Julia Roberts looking grouchy - Popsugar
Image: Bauer-Griffin